IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Prison is the common way in most countries to solve the problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide people a better education. Do you agree or disagree?

#prison #countries #crime #people #education
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One of
popular
Add an article
the popular
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 methods to overcome
the
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apply
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criminal issues is prison.
On the other hand
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, there some people believe that
education
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 proposes fruitful
way
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ways
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 to reduce the illegal act. I personally ultimately agree with proposing
education
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 as
fundamental
Correct article usage
a fundamental
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 step
due to
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 several points of view.
Firstly
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,
education
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 creates highminded people who lead them into good character. They will know the
better
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best
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 and
worse
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worst
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deed
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deeds
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as well as
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 the consequences of taking
the
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apply
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offense
Replace the word
offensive
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 actions.
For example
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 in family
education
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, people are introduced to behave well,
such
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 as “do not take the others’ stuff, come to the peoples’ house by greeting and many more,
likewise
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 in
the
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apply
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school, students are facilitated by several subjects to sharpen their moral character, knowing the consequences of every misdeed and understanding the law and the right. The second view is that
by
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apply
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equipping
education
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 which
focusing
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focuses
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 on generating
the
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an
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 insightful generation that can assist them in applying for
job
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jobs
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 or building work field as the data from the Central Bureau of
Statistic
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Statistics
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 of Indonesia in twenty twenty one revealed that the highest peak of crime rate came to both robbery and thief as the reaction of economic factor and poverty. So, it is that
education
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as
Correct your spelling
is
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 the preventive way of
the
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apply
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criminal action
instead
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 of
the
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apply
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prison. To
sump
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sum
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 up, I am standing my position on the argument stating that
education
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 is more applicable action
againts
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against
 the prison side since
education
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 allows whole individuals either more valuable comprehension of etiquette and law or access of gaining various jobs.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that the essay adequately addresses all parts of the prompt. It could benefit from a balanced discussion that directly compares the effectiveness of prison to education as solutions to crime, along with a more explicit thesis statement.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, consider organizing the essay into clear paragraphs with topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph. Use a variety of cohesive devices and transitional words to link ideas and paragraphs together.
coherence and cohesion
Expand on your main points by providing more detailed examples and explanations. Include relevant, specific examples that demonstrate how education can prevent crime, and compare these examples to the effectiveness of prisons.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • tackles root causes
  • preventative approach
  • critical thinking
  • decision-making skills
  • recidivism rates
  • equipping
  • socio-economic benefits
  • underlying factors
  • poverty
  • ignorance
  • lack of opportunities
  • rehabilitation
  • ineffective
  • higher rates of re-offending
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