The chart below gives information on the average cost of a monthly plan from four different mobile phone providers in a European country, between January and September 2012, measured in euros.

The chart below gives information on the average cost of a monthly plan from four different mobile phone providers in a European country, between January and September 2012, measured in euros.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
"The following chart presents data regarding the average monthly plan costs of four distinct mobile phone providers in a European country during the period from January to September 2012, denoted in
euros
. Examining the line graph, we can observe some changes. The average cost of plans from Lex mobile phone
provider
Fix the agreement mistake
providers
show examples
experienced only slight fluctuations with no significant changes. from January to September in January it was 13
euros
however
then
it increased
till
Change preposition
to
show examples
17
euros
.
In contrast
, the Alpha telephone provider underwent noticeable alterations ,
initially
Add a comma
initially,
show examples
it cost only 5
euros
at the beginning of the year
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and improved considerably
till
Change preposition
to
show examples
25
euros
. Now, let’s discuss the other operators. Domo demonstrated fluctuating changes,
initially
experiencing a decline
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
15
euros
, followed by a slight increase, and
then
a more significant rise
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
23
euros
. These three companies encountered significant adjustments, with desirable outcomes,
while
only Sim TX experienced a decline, indicating poorer performance with only 7
euros
approximately .
Overall
, it can be concluded that these companies underwent various adjustments, with three of them displaying favourable outcomes and only one provider exhibiting inferior results."
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "initially".
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words euros with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: