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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people argue that social media has a negative impact on young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that social
media
Use synonyms
 has a negative impact on young
people
Use synonyms
. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion because spending too much
time
Use synonyms
 on social
media
Use synonyms
 can affect
their
Fix the agreement mistake
one's
show examples
 mental health and reduce their academic performance.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, social
media
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 can have a negative effect on young
people
Use synonyms
's mental health.
This
Linking Words
 is because many teenagers compare their
lives
Use synonyms
 with the
lives
Use synonyms
 of other
people
Use synonyms
 online. They often see pictures of expensive clothes, beautiful houses and exciting holidays, which may make them feel that their own
lives
Use synonyms
 are less interesting.
For example
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, a student who regularly compares themselves with others on social
media
Use synonyms
 may become less confident and feel unhappy.
As a result
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, using these platforms too much can affect young
people
Use synonyms
's happiness and confidence.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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, social
media
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 can negatively affect students' education.
This
Linking Words
 is because many young
people
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 spend several hours watching videos or reading posts
instead
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 of studying.
Consequently
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, they may have less
time
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 to complete their homework, prepare for exams and develop useful skills.
For instance
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, a student who checks social
media
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 every few minutes
while
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 studying may find it difficult to concentrate on difficult subjects.
Therefore
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, spending too much
time
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 online can lead to lower academic performance and make it harder for students to achieve their educational goals.
Body paragraph 3
However
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, social
media
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 can
also
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 provide some benefits when it is used carefully. Young
people
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 can use it to communicate with friends, learn new information and watch educational videos.
Nevertheless
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, I believe that these benefits do not outweigh the disadvantages when social
media
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 is used excessively. Young
people
Use synonyms
 should learn to manage their
time
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 and avoid allowing online activities to interfere with their studies and personal
lives
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I strongly believe that social
media
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 can have a negative impact on young
people
Use synonyms
 because it may damage their confidence and affect their education.
Although
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 it has some advantages, using it in moderation is important to protect their well-being and academic success.

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task response
Keep your clear opinion from the start to the end. You fully answer the question and give two main reasons.
task response
Add one more clear fact or short real-life case for each main idea. This can make your points feel more full and strong.
task response
Your point about good sides is useful. You could say more clearly why these good sides are less strong than the bad sides when use is too much.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: start, two main parts, one other view, and end. This makes it easy to read.
coherence and cohesion
Use some linking words in a more varied way. You use 'This is because', 'For example', and 'As a result' well, but you can also use 'In addition' or 'For this reason'.
coherence and cohesion
The last part repeats the main view well. To make it even better, link the idea of time control more directly to both health and school work.
task response
Your main ideas are clear and stay on the topic: mental health and school work.
task response
The examples of comparing lives online and checking social media while studying are relevant and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one clear main idea, followed by an explanation and an example.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and ending clearly show the same strong view.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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