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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #attention
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People
 have different views about whether advertising can convince and attract potential customers to buy items or
they
Correct word choice
whether they
show examples
 become common and cannot lure
people
's attention.
While
 I agree that some
adverts
 are repetitive, I would lean towards the former belief as I think we have
been
Rephrase
not been
show examples
 affected by
adverts
 yet. On the one hand, some
people
 think that
adverts
 have no impact on them as they are prevalent. They use the same and old techniques to attract
people
such
 as banners, posters, billboards.
Moreover
, many
adverts
 manipulate us by giving misleading information to sell more products. These types of advertisements are very common. They usually can be realized by
people
 and these tricks have no longer influences on
people
. By way of example, there is an advert about a cream for those who suffer from deep wrinkles on their face. In
this
 advertisement, several old
people
 are interviewed before using
this
 cream and after two weeks of using it, all of them are satisfied with the tangible result but it is obvious that those wrinkles are faded Photoshop.
On the other hand
, I believe that advertising still maintains its function as a powerful way to promote products. producers of
adverts
 constantly seek to find new ways to be more appealed by
people
 and they have been successful so far. They usually try to involve potential customers' emotions, not just highlight the main features of the products.
For example
, they tend to convey a moral message which can stimulate our feelings. Another way is that in which the popularity of a celebrity who has a great number of fans is used to interview
target
Correct article usage
the target
show examples
 item. The fans of these celebrities usually buy those goods blindly because of their loyalty and trust
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 celebrity.
Thus
, advertisements can continue to be influential by applying different strategies. In conclusion, in my point of view,
adverts
 will not lose their power to persuade
people
 if they attempt to find appropriate methods.
Submitted by kmibehnaz98 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, ensure that the essay follows a clear and consistent pattern throughout, making the progression of ideas smooth and logical. Consider using a broader range of linking phrases to enhance cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear thesis statement in the introduction to establish your viewpoint right from the start, and restate your opinion in the conclusion to reinforce it.
task achievement
Use more specific and varied examples to support your main points. Adding real-life cases or statistics can make your arguments more convincing and show a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Make sure that your response fully addresses all parts of the task. Your opinion is clear, but the comparison between both views could be more balanced to ensure a complete response.
task achievement
Work on the clarity and depth of your ideas. Expand on points with further explanation and avoid general statements without backing them up with clear reasoning or evidence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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