Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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While

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some are of the opinion that when

children

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are allowed to make their own

decisions

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on everyday matters, they have a high possibility of being selfish, others claim that it is essential for them to make their own choices. In my opinion, I consider that

children

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should not be given the

right

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to make their own

decisions

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. On the one hand, some

people

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think that allowing

children

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to make their own

decisions

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will cause them to think only about themselves, and I agree.

To begin

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with,

children

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are not mature enough, so giving them the opportunity to choose basic matters,

such

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as food and clothes, will tempt them to be selfish. Another point is that if

children

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can choose whatever they want, they would think that it is their

right

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to choose anything, even if it hurts other

people

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For example

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, in most Western countries,

children

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are trained to make their own choices from a younger age, and because of

this

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, some of them put themselves in dangerous situations, especially when they choose the wrong type of entertainment that can impact them morally.

On the other hand

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, other

people

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believe that making

children

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choose their own

decisions

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on everyday matters will shape them to be great individuals. One reason is that they can enhance their confidence level.

For instance

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, if a child chooses something he or she likes, he or she will feel he or she has an opinion he or she can share with the

people

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around him or her. Another reason is that some

children

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face many things in their childhood, and they have to make

decisions

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that are helpful for their own cases, especially when they do not have responsible adults around them.

To sum up

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although

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some believe that it is better to allow

children

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to make their own

decisions

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. I believe that

children

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need someone to help them make the

right

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decisions

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. Parents should,

therefore

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, be with their

children

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whenever they make any

decisions

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and guide them to the

right

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path.

s_syedyTue Nov 21 2023

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task achievement

Ensure that both sides of the argument are discussed equally and comprehensively. Your essay sometimes favors one side, which can make your argument seem biased.

coherence cohesion

Introduce clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument. Some paragraphs were lacking a strong topic sentence.

coherence cohesion

Support your main points with relevant examples. Most of your assertions were unsupported, which weakens your essay.

task achievement

Provide a balanced conclusion that summarizes the key points from both views and clearly states your position.

coherence cohesion

Work on creating a more logical progression of ideas by ordering them in a way that enhances understanding and engagement.

coherence cohesion

Use a wider range of cohesive devices to create smoother transitions and clearer connections between your paragraphs and ideas.

task achievement

Develop clear, comprehensive ideas throughout your essay, making sure to expand on your points more thoroughly.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

337 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Autonomy
Consequence-awareness
Self-centered
Informal decision-making education
Child development
Age-appropriate choices
Cognitive growth
Fostering independence
Parental guidance
Societal norms
Interpersonal consideration
Balance of freedom
Individualism versus collectivism
Experience-based learning

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