Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

While
some are of the opinion that when
children
are allowed to make their own
decisions
on everyday matters, they have a high possibility of being selfish, others claim that it is essential for them to make their own choices. In my opinion, I consider that
children
should not be given the
right
to make their own
decisions
. On the one hand, some
people
think that allowing
children
to make their own
decisions
will cause them to think only about themselves, and I agree.
To begin
with,
children
are not mature enough, so giving them the opportunity to choose basic matters,
such
as food and clothes, will tempt them to be selfish. Another point is that if
children
can choose whatever they want, they would think that it is their
right
to choose anything, even if it hurts other
people
.
For example
, in most Western countries,
children
are trained to make their own choices from a younger age, and because of
this
, some of them put themselves in dangerous situations, especially when they choose the wrong type of entertainment that can impact them morally.
On the other hand
, other
people
believe that making
children
choose their own
decisions
on everyday matters will shape them to be great individuals. One reason is that they can enhance their confidence level.
For instance
, if a child chooses something he or she likes, he or she will feel he or she has an opinion he or she can share with the
people
around him or her. Another reason is that some
children
face many things in their childhood, and they have to make
decisions
that are helpful for their own cases, especially when they do not have responsible adults around them.
To sum up
,
although
some believe that it is better to allow
children
to make their own
decisions
. I believe that
children
need someone to help them make the
right
decisions
. Parents should,
therefore
, be with their
children
whenever they make any
decisions
and guide them to the
right
path.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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task achievement
Ensure that both sides of the argument are discussed equally and comprehensively. Your essay sometimes favors one side, which can make your argument seem biased.
coherence cohesion
Introduce clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument. Some paragraphs were lacking a strong topic sentence.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with relevant examples. Most of your assertions were unsupported, which weakens your essay.
task achievement
Provide a balanced conclusion that summarizes the key points from both views and clearly states your position.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating a more logical progression of ideas by ordering them in a way that enhances understanding and engagement.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to create smoother transitions and clearer connections between your paragraphs and ideas.
task achievement
Develop clear, comprehensive ideas throughout your essay, making sure to expand on your points more thoroughly.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
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