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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

As a part of their education, individuals should spend a period of time living or working in another country. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#part #education #individuals #period #time #country
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In today’s world, living in a multicultural society is the norm in many developed countries. If people are to understand each other’s cultures and beliefs, living together is the best way to do
this
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.
Therefore
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, in my
view
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,
this
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 should be part of the
education
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 of every individual if possible.
It is clear that
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 in an increasingly globalized world, it is important for different cultures and peoples to establish good relationships based on tolerance and understanding. If
this
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 happens, the world will be a much more harmonious and peaceful place, with much less chance of conflicts or terrorism
due to
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 international misunderstandings.
For example
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, somebody who has lived in an Is Islamic
country
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 may find it easier to understand the point of
view
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 of Muslim culture than somebody who has not.
Therefore
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, in my
view
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, living in another
country
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 with a contrasting culture to their own is something all students should do as part of a fully rounded
education
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.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 could be difficult to implement, and the resources devoted to it could be better spent on other aspects of
education
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. If individuals travel overseas and spend time living in another
country
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this
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 could be very expensive depending upon which
country
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 they choose.
For example
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, obtaining passports, visas, accommodation and all the other requirements of travel would be very time-consuming and expensive, and
this
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 is time and resources that students could spend on
further
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 educational courses. In consequence, these decisions should be carefully considered, and balanced against the other educational options available. Nowadays, cultural misunderstandings have caused numerous conflicts and difficulties between states and peoples.
Although
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 spending time getting to know another
country
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 well might be a costly form of
education
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, in my
view
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 it should be integrated into all educational programs if finances permit.
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structure
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction should introduce the topic and your thesis statement. Each body paragraph should have a clear main idea and be developed with specific examples or explanations. The conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your position.
sentence variety
Work on varying your sentence structures to enhance readability and flow. While you used some complex sentences, introducing a wider variety of sentence types could make the essay more engaging.
task achievement
To score higher in task achievement, aim to use more relevant and specific examples. One general example is provided, but more detail or additional examples would strengthen the argument.
coherence
Improve on coherence by using a range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Although the essay is well linked, more sophisticated transitions could be employed.
paragraph development
Check that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that supporting sentences are fully developed and relevant to the main topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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