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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart and graph below give information about participants who have entered the Olympics since it began.

The chart and graph below give information about participants who have entered the Olympics since it began.
The bar chart and the line graph depict information about
participants
Use synonyms
 who have joined the Olympics since it started. Generally, the chart shows that male
participants
Use synonyms
 had been increasing steadily over the years.
While
Linking Words
 in the line,
graph
Add an article
the graph
a graph
show examples
 illustrates the significant changes in the number of
overall
Linking Words
participants
Use synonyms
 that had been growing over the years.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the line graph shows that the
statistic
Fix the agreement mistake
statistics
show examples
 of general
participants
Use synonyms
 who have joined the Olympics always increased from 1924 to 2012 and was able to hit more than ten
thousand
Use synonyms
 people.
Also
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the chart shows that male
participants
Use synonyms
 had the greatest number each year, they were able to reach nearly six
thousand
Use synonyms
 people in 2012.
Also
Linking Words
, the bars kept growing very steadily from 1924 to 2012.
However
Linking Words
, from 1924 to 1952 there were only a few female
participants
Use synonyms
 that joined the Olympics around less than one
thousand
Use synonyms
 people, but there was a noticeable rise in 2012, they were able to reach more than four
thousand
Use synonyms
participants
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words participants, thousand with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Olympic Games
  • participants
  • historical context
  • trend
  • exponential growth
  • influence
  • world events
  • diversity
  • technological advancements
  • global
  • gender equality
  • International Olympic Committee (IOC)
  • unity
  • competition
  • athletes
  • entry
  • represent
  • delegation
  • boycotts
  • milestones
  • parity
  • inclusive
  • disciplines
  • legacy
  • sponsorship
  • admission
  • elite sportspeople
  • national pride
  • cultural exchange
  • ambassadors
  • sportsmanship
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