IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Health services are a basic necessity. However, private companies have made them quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages?

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Health
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service
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, which is assumed as the most indispensable part of society, is said to be expensive for customary people. In
this
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 essay, why the advantages of private
health
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 care are superior will be addressed.
Firstly
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, better
service
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 at hospitals and some clinics is considered
as
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apply
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the most effective path to reduce patient anxiety. To illustrate, the more
health
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services
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, support nurses and medical staff financially, the better performance they will have because they are motivated to work better and faster.
For instance
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, if individuals pay more money for treatment, they will get better
services
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 which leads to
patients
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 who have tranquillity and the way of their remediation will improve.
As a result
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, not only private
health
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 care is superior rather than public
service
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 but
also
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 assists the patient in being confident about the
services
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 that are provided in hospitals and clinics.
Secondly
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, technology is accounted as an inseparable part of medical treatments. To clarify, nowadays professionals are getting used to finding unique ways to treat maladies and utilize novel facilities to recognize diseases faster without any defects but these technologies require a huge budget private
health
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services
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 can provide these sources of budget
while
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 public
health
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service
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services
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 unable to support them. If these technologies are implemented in the
health
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 system lead to treating
patients
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 easily and dwindling myriad of people who will die because of maladies.
Thus
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 costly
health
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services
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 assist in treating
patients
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 better.
To conclude
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, thanks to providing better
services
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 and new technology to remediate
patients
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, private
health
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services
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 by allocating lots of money have more merits in comparison to public
health
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services
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.

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task achievement
The introduction clearly defines the topic and states the intention of the essay. This is well-done. However, it could be improved by being more concise and directly outlining the main points to be discussed.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence structures and avoiding repetition to make ideas clearer and more comprehensive. For example, 'better service at hospitals and some clinics' could be more precise. Also, avoid using 'rather than' incorrectly; 'as well as' might be better in some contexts.
task achievement
The essay could benefit from the inclusion of more specific examples to illustrate the points made. Examples help to ground arguments in real-world scenarios and make them more convincing.
task achievement
The essay presents a complete response to the prompt and covers both advantages and disadvantages of private healthcare.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points and restates the importance of private health services.
task achievement
The essay uses clear and relevant ideas to support the main argument, particularly in discussing how better services and technology can lead to improved patient outcomes.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cutting-edge technology
  • highly skilled professionals
  • patient experience
  • outcomes
  • personalized care
  • healthcare practitioners
  • competition
  • standards
  • government burden
  • public funds
  • prohibitively expensive
  • disparities
  • profitability
  • over-treatment
  • neglect
  • non-profitable cases
  • ethical concerns
  • financial status
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