The charts below show the percentage of male and female worker in country A and country B. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentage of male and female worker in country A and country B. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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Linking Words
This
Correct determiner usage
The
show examples
circle charts
illustrat
Correct your spelling
illustrate
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the percentage of the working area of
men
Use synonyms
and
women
Use synonyms
compared to two
Use synonyms
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
show examples
, A and
B
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, It can be
seem
Correct your spelling
seen
show examples
that
Servece
Correct your spelling
service
is the
most
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
in all
Use synonyms
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, in
country
Use synonyms
A
is that
Verb problem
,
show examples
agriculture is
second
Change the article
the second
show examples
percentage
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
both
Use synonyms
sex
Fix the agreement mistake
sexes
show examples
, and
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
is the
are
Correct your spelling
area
show examples
of industry.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
service
Add an article
the service
a service
show examples
area is approximately 50% between
men
Use synonyms
and
women
Use synonyms
respectively in
country
Use synonyms
A.
However
Linking Words
, in
Correct article usage
the countryB
show examples
countryB
Correct your spelling
country B
country
,
women
Use synonyms
who work in service
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
88%,
also
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
65%.
Both
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
rate
Change to a plural noun
rates
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
more over compared to
country
Use synonyms
A. Moving to industry, the percentage of
men
Use synonyms
is 15% and
women
Use synonyms
is 9% in
country
Use synonyms
A.
Both
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
is
almose
Correct your spelling
almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
, in
country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
, male is 32% and female is 11%.
Lastly
Linking Words
, related to agriculture, there is only 1%
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
in
country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
(
men
Use synonyms
is 3%).
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the
rate
Use synonyms
is about 30%
Use synonyms
both
Change preposition
for both
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
in
country
Use synonyms
A (29% and 43%).
Submitted by cuore.degli.samurai on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, country, b, rate, both with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • workforce
  • percentage
  • male-dominated
  • female-dominated
  • sector
  • industry
  • disparity
  • proportion
  • predominance
  • statistical
  • trend
  • comparison
  • economically active
  • gender gap
  • labor market
  • employment rate
  • significant
  • minority/majority
  • contrast
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