IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentage of male and female worker in country A and country B. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentage of male and female worker in country A and country B. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #percentage #worker #country #b #information #features #comparisons
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This
Correct determiner usage
The
show examples
 circle charts
illustrat
Correct your spelling
illustrate
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the percentage of the working area of
men
 and
women
 compared to two
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
show examples
, A and
B
.
Overall
, It can be
seem
Correct your spelling
seen
show examples
 that
Servece
Correct your spelling
service
 is the
most
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
rate
 in all
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
.
Otherwise
, in
country
 A
is that
Verb problem
,
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 agriculture is
second
Change the article
the second
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 percentage
in
Change preposition
for
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both
sex
Fix the agreement mistake
sexes
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, and
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
rate
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
country
B
 is the
are
Correct your spelling
area
show examples
 of industry.
Firstly
,
service
Add an article
the service
a service
show examples
 area is approximately 50% between
men
 and
women
 respectively in
country
 A.
However
, in
Correct article usage
the countryB
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countryB
Correct your spelling
country B
country
,
women
 who work in service
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 88%,
also
men
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 65%.
Both
rate
Change to a plural noun
rates
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more over compared to
country
 A. Moving to industry, the percentage of
men
 is 15% and
women
 is 9% in
country
 A.
Both
rate
 is
almose
Correct your spelling
almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
.
Also
, in
country
B
, male is 32% and female is 11%.
Lastly
, related to agriculture, there is only 1%
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in
country
B
 (
men
 is 3%).
Nevertheless
, the
rate
 is about 30%
both
Change preposition
for both
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in
country
 A (29% and 43%).
Submitted by cuore.degli.samurai on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, country, b, rate, both with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • workforce
  • percentage
  • male-dominated
  • female-dominated
  • sector
  • industry
  • disparity
  • proportion
  • predominance
  • statistical
  • trend
  • comparison
  • economically active
  • gender gap
  • labor market
  • employment rate
  • significant
  • minority/majority
  • contrast
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