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Band 4.5

The table below shows social and economic indicators for four countries in 1994, according to United Nations statistics.

The table below shows social and economic indicators for four countries in 1994, according to United Nations statistics.
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The table compares the various economic and social situations of four countries from four aspects in 1994, including annual income for each citizen, the
expectation
Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
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 of
life
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,
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calories
Correct article usage
the calories
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 that each person requires on a daily basis, and
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
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 of literacy in adults. Looking from an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it is apparent that compared to
Canada
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,
Peru
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 and
Zaire
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, Japan has relatively higher figures in terms of
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 three indicators,despite
the
Correct article usage
apply
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everyone’s daily
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calories
Change the noun form
calorie
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 requirement.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
Zaire
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 is in
last
Linking Words
 place in all aspects. When it comes to daily calorie supply per person, the statistics of
Canada
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 obviously
overwhelme
Correct your spelling
overwhelmed
overwhelm
 other countries’ data, reaching 3326.As for
life
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 expectancy at birth,
Canada
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 and Japan present similar data of 76 and 78 respectively.What’s more, the two developed countries reached the same rate of 99% of adult literacy. The statistics of Japan are in a dominant position from almost all perspectives, it has the highest income per person
for
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at
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 15760
dollars
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 annually, followed by
Canada
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 at 11100
dollars
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.The calorie supply needed by each Japanese citizen in daily
life
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 is 2846, which is 480 lower than in
Canada
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.
Zaire
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 ranks at the bottom of four countries from all indicators.Every resident in
Zaire
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 can only gain 130
dollars
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for
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apply
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each year, which is just 30
dollars
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 less than in
Peru
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,and they get 1749
calories
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for
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apply
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every single day.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 country’s popularization of education is not so high that only 34% of adults have received education and people’s expectancy
life
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 is just 47 years old,followed by
Peru
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 at 51 years old.
Peru
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 is basically in the middle
Wrong verb form
compared
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comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
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 with others.Its residents’ everyday
calories
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 needed are 1927,and its adult literacy rate is 68%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words life, calories, canada, peru, zaire, dollars with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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