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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table below shows social and economic indicators for four countries in 1994, according to United Nations statistics.

The table below shows social and economic indicators for four countries in 1994, according to United Nations statistics.
#indicators #four #countries #nations #statistics
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The table compares the various economic and social situations of four countries from four aspects in 1994, including annual income for each citizen, the
expectation
Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
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 of
life
,
calories
Correct article usage
the calories
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 that each person requires on a daily basis, and
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
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 of literacy in adults. Looking from an
overall
 perspective, it is apparent that compared to
Canada
,
Peru
 and
Zaire
, Japan has relatively higher figures in terms of
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 three indicators,despite
the
Correct article usage
apply
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everyone’s daily
calories
Change the noun form
calorie
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 requirement.
On the contrary
,
Zaire
 is in
last
 place in all aspects. When it comes to daily calorie supply per person, the statistics of
Canada
 obviously
overwhelme
Correct your spelling
overwhelmed
overwhelm
 other countries’ data, reaching 3326.As for
life
 expectancy at birth,
Canada
 and Japan present similar data of 76 and 78 respectively.What’s more, the two developed countries reached the same rate of 99% of adult literacy. The statistics of Japan are in a dominant position from almost all perspectives, it has the highest income per person
for
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at
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 15760
dollars
 annually, followed by
Canada
 at 11100
dollars
.The calorie supply needed by each Japanese citizen in daily
life
 is 2846, which is 480 lower than in
Canada
.
Zaire
 ranks at the bottom of four countries from all indicators.Every resident in
Zaire
 can only gain 130
dollars
for
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apply
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each year, which is just 30
dollars
 less than in
Peru
,and they get 1749
calories
for
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apply
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every single day.
As a result
,
this
 country’s popularization of education is not so high that only 34% of adults have received education and people’s expectancy
life
 is just 47 years old,followed by
Peru
 at 51 years old.
Peru
 is basically in the middle
Wrong verb form
compared
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comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
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 with others.Its residents’ everyday
calories
 needed are 1927,and its adult literacy rate is 68%.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words life, calories, canada, peru, zaire, dollars with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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