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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #parents #children #home #school #outweigh
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It is still a subject of debate whether the homeschooling system for
students
 is the right path for them as many people say that traditional schools have more suitable feasibility for pupils. In
this
 essay, I disagree with the motion;
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
show examples
, I believe that the drawbacks outweigh the benefits. First and foremost,
students
 may have more direct learning from the teacher, but it is undeniable that the homeschooling curriculum is not as structured as schools in general.
This
 phenomenon in fact becomes a hindrance for the
students
 and makes their knowledge inequivalent to each other.
For example
, homeschooling children who move into a real institute to pursue their education may have more difficulty keeping up with the materials since they have different insights from their educators.
As a result
,
this
 just lead a pressure for the learners and may push them to burnout. More than that, homeschoolers are likely to be out of touch with society since they do not have peer groups in their learning journey. Many parents might think
this
 is a great choice to make their kids more safe and not experience bully,
however
,
this
 actually lets the
students
 lack social relationships which is a crucial part of their personal growth.
For instance
, pupils from home learning systems tend to be loners or cannot make friends on a daily basis because they are not used to crowds.
This
 issue is actually will affect their ability to survive in their adulthood later on.
To sum up
, the advantages of learning at home for kids do not outweigh the disadvantages as it is in fact
this
 phenomenon has more disadvantages in society. Not only learners will have less knowledge among the
students
, they will
also
 hardly survive as human beings.
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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the essay's stance on the topic. Include a thesis statement that outlines the main points to be discussed.
Supporting Main Points
Develop each body paragraph with one main idea, supported by detailed examples and explanations. Avoid general statements by providing specific evidence or anecdotes.
Logical Structure
Improve the organization of ideas by having clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and appropriate transitional phrases between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Response
Address all parts of the task prompt, and make sure to elaborate on how the advantages may not outweigh the disadvantages with balanced coverage of both sides. Introduce counterarguments and refutations if necessary.
Language & Grammar
Use a variety of complex sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance clarity and avoid repetitiveness. Proofread the essay to correct grammar and spelling errors.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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