There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that in order to avoid the stress and pressure of succeeding at school we should take out non-core subjects. I totally disagree with
this
opinion and I believe that
such
a decision would do a lot of harm to the students and it would not improve their performance in any subject. The way I see things is that Non-academic disciplines should be included in educational programs. Thanks to them students distract themselves, they get enough rest from pressure and a high level of concentration which they ought to have during academic
classes
.
For instance
: in one of the public schools in the USA, well-conducted research has shown that after open-door PE
classes
students' performance in academic
lessons
has increased. It proves that The best way to recharge your batteries is to change the activity you are doing.
Moreover
, I’m positive that non-academic
lessons
prepare young pupils for taking the first step into adult life.
Firstly
, School teaches a person lifelong
lessons
which he or she uses during their whole life. Diverse
classes
such
as cookery, PE, biology fundamentals of safety and vital activities gift a student with priceless experience on how to cope with any situation your future would bring you.
Secondly
, Without extensive knowledge, you will not be a true specialist in a narrowly focused field.
Finally
, Additional
lessons
broaden the horizons of children which
also
helps them to do their best in their major
classes
. I want to give an example from my own experience. My major
while
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
was Maths. During my final state exam, l got to solve math problems connected with Chemistry and Physics. If I had not had these
lessons
, I wouldn’t have been able to do my best on that crucial exam. To sum it up, I believe that non-academic subjects are vital for your self-development and they help you indeed to perform better and be successful in all that you are passionate about. Knowledge is never superfluous.
Submitted by edmond.avakyan98 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Focus on structuring your essay with clear paragraph divisions. Begin with an introduction, followed by body paragraphs, each addressing a distinct point, and conclude with a summarizing statement. This structure is evident in your essay, but strive for even clearer transitions between ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
In your introduction, clearly state your thesis and the main arguments you will discuss. While you've done this, refining your thesis to make it more impactful could strengthen your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
For each point made, ensure there is evidence or an example to support it. While your essay provides examples, integrating a wider variety of evidence could enhance your argument's persuasiveness.
Task Achievement
Address the prompt directly in both the introduction and conclusion to ensure a complete response. Restate your position in the conclusion to reinforce your argument. Your essay addresses the prompt well, but a stronger restatement of your position in the conclusion could be beneficial.
Coherence and Cohesion
Develop each idea fully before moving on to the next. Ensure your essay progresses logically from one idea to the next, without jumping abruptly between points. Your essay shows progression, but smoother transitions could improve readability and clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
What to do next:
Look at other essays: