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Band 5

to what extent do you think that cashless transactions will replace traditional money

#cashless #transactions #money
Cashless
 transactions have become a part of our
day to day
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day-to-day
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 life, directly
rising
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raising
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 the debate of whether they will replace traditional bills or simply coexist with
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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, I believe it is unclear if one day they will replace physical cash, as it depends on the ups and downs that come with cybercash,
such
 as
people
's adoption, convenience, security concerns, and dependence on tech. To illustrate a
cashless
transaction
 can be an E-wallet, NFT, Credit card, Debit card or gift cars, and they tend to be very convenient, as they eliminate the need to carry around cash and boost the efficiency of
people
's transactions,
furthermore
, every time you make a
transaction
, there is a record created for that
transaction
,
as a result
, fraud can be easily prevented,
in addition
,
this
 record does not only help the average person, but
also
 businesses as cash handling managements involve high costs.
Nevertheless
,
people
's adoption, security concerns and dependence on technology
,
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apply
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 won't allow
cashless
 transactions to completely replace hard money,
for example
,
people
 who fear hackers or system failures and individuals who are frightened or dislike technology
,
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 will never set foot on the
cashless
transaction
 world,
due to
 them seeing it as a somewhat negative.
To conclude
 to really know if cybercash will completely replace traditional capital is a really uncertain topic with no real ways to predict it. It is just as likely that it coexists with traditional wealth
,
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 than if it were to completely replace it. The pace of the transition will depend only and only on
people
's acceptance, fears and convenience
Submitted by alonsoddel78 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a decent logical structure; however, you could enhance it by creating clearer paragraphs that each focus on a distinct argument or point relating to the topic.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to include an introductory sentence that outlines the aim of the essay and a concluding statement that summarizes the main points and provides a closure on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Further develop supporting points for your argument. While some details were present, increasing the depth and adding more specific examples will strengthen your position.
task achievement
Ensure that you provide a complete response to the question asked, including addressing the extent to which you believe cashless transactions will replace traditional money. Take a clearer stance on the issue.
task achievement
Aim for greater clarity and elaboration in expressing your ideas. Make sure each paragraph has one main idea that's thoroughly explained and supported with specific examples where appropriate.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your argument. These could be real-world cases, statistics, or studies that lend credibility to your viewpoints.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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