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Band 6.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
Smartphones
 are becoming something that
kids
 spend a large chunk of their
time
 on daily. In my opinion,
this
 happened because smartphone is an easy source of entertainment.
This
 essay believes that
this
 is a negative development, because the overuse of
smartphones
 would have negative
health
 impacts.
Smartphones
 are becoming an easy source of entertainment for
children
. With the advancement of technology,
smartphones
 are slowly but surely becoming a big part of our daily lives. Not only used by adults, it is
also
 used by
children
. Aside from the fact that it helps guardians to be able to track and communicate with their
kids
, it
also
 keeps the
children
 entertained for a long period of
time
. As an example, platforms like TikTok and YouTube have a large collection videos that can be enjoyed by a range of different ages, and do not forget about the vast amount of mobile games available for free.
However
, the prolonged use of
smartphones
 can have negative impacts. The small size of phones makes people tend to look at the screen up close in a crouching position. If used prolongedly,
this
 can lead to
health
 problems
such
 as worse vision or back pain. It
also
 reduces the motivation for
kids
 to play outside, because they are already content playing on their phones. A recent study shows that
kids
 now spend the majority of their
time
 indoors, rather than outdoors. Spending
time
 outdoors have a range of
health
 benefits. The exposure to sun gives us important vitamins for us to stay healthy, and it
also
 gives
children
 a chance to exercise which is one of the main aspects of a healthy lifestyle. In conclusion,
smartphones
 are a form of technology
that is
 now used for a long period of
time
 in
children
’s daily lives.
This
 development happens because
smartphones
 are an easy entertainment source for
children
.
This
 trend of overusing
smartphones
 can lead to some negative impacts to
children
’s
health
.
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introduction
Ensure that your introduction provides a clear overview of the main points you will discuss. Avoid overly simplistic statements.
coherence
Use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas together more clearly throughout the essay to achieve better coherence.
task achievement
Support your main points with a wider range of examples and develop these further to enhance task achievement.
argument balance
Try to offer a more nuanced argument that acknowledges both the causes and the effects of the issue with equal emphasis.
conclusion
Consider including a more developed conclusion that not only summarizes the main points but also offers a final thought or recommendation on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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