IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business, and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #information #research #business #world
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Information
 plays an important role in the way
people
 think and make informed decisions. Some
people
, including me, believe that releasing important
information
 is a good way to foster general knowledge among individuals
although
 some think it would not be beneficial to release valuable and sophisticated
information
 freely.
To begin
 with, some argue that it would be better if various
information
such
 as scientific
research
, investigation in businesses and the academic world be shared with the public freely. Simply put, providing free educational programs can lead to an increased literacy rate in society.
Moreover
, these programs can be included with different scientific topics and breakthroughs in order to inform
people
 about pressing issues that they might face in their daily lives. Take how to decrease carbon dioxide emissions and carbon footprint individually which is one of the most pressing problems nowadays as an obvious example. In recent years, a great deal of
research
 has been done on
this
 topic, and scientists have found ways to tackle
this
 problem.
Thus
, they should release their findings in order to raise
people
’s awareness about the potential solutions.
On the other hand
, some may say that conducting
this
 kind of
research
 needs a huge amount of effort and budget.
As a result
, it would not be a great idea to release
such
 info freely because
people
 usually respect what they pay for it. Advocates of
this
 insight believe that
people
 tend to value things that they pay their costs. Meanwhile,
people
 may not pay much attention to the importance of shared
information
, they might use it in an inappropriate measure, which can cause
further
 problems.
For example
, researchers carried out a lot of
research
 on nuclear weapons so far. If the community have access to
this
 kind of data, they might use it in violation and other related crimes.
Although
 views differ about providing
people
 with valuable
information
 freely can result in serious problems, I believe that humans should be accessible to all kinds of data and
information
 in order to increase their awareness and have the ability to deal with various situations.
Submitted by shirin_abedi73 on

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task achievement
Strengthen the introduction by incorporating a more compelling hook. For instance, start with a statement or question that highlights the significance of information sharing in today's world.
task achievement
Ensure every point clearly aligns with your stance for enhanced clarity. Try explicitly restating your viewpoint at the end of paragraphs to solidify your position.
coherence cohesion
Add more linking words or phrases (e.g., 'furthermore','for instance') to enhance the flow of your essay and better guide readers through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
You provided a structured essay with a clear introduction and a conclusion summarizing the main views.
task achievement
Your essay provides relevant examples, like scientific research on carbon emissions, which effectively supports your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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