IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people prefer to watch foreign films rather than locally produced films. Why could this be? Should governments give more financial support to local film industries?

Local film industries are generally ignored and set apart by
people
Use synonyms
 who want
big budget
Add a hyphen
big-budget
show examples
 foreign movies, but why?
and
Capitalize word
And
show examples
 is it a good solution to let the
government
Use synonyms
 help those local film industries in a financial way? I personally think that
people
Use synonyms
 want more special
effects
Use synonyms
, and those are too expensive for local film industries to make,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I
also
Linking Words
 support the idea of the
government
Use synonyms
 contributing financially to those filmmakers.
People
Use synonyms
 prefer to watch foreign movies rather than locally produced movies because they want more special
effects
Use synonyms
 that cannot be made by economically limited filmmakers. The watchers nowadays want more special
effects
Use synonyms
 and of higher quality since they get used to the older ones that are not as catchy as
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
 ones,
unfortunately
Add a comma
unfortunately,
show examples
 it costs a lot of money and small moviemakers cannot cope with the ongoing demand. As an example, studios like Disney when they made Avatar, the groundbreaking
effects
Use synonyms
 used at the time resulted
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 spending about 200
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dollars, and now, the spectators are used to it, asking for more, and regional studios don't have the money required to satisfy the publics need. The proposition of the
government
Use synonyms
 funding regional moviemakers is a good idea. Given that the
government
Use synonyms
 funds the cinema, it will help them pay for a great part of the production and
therefore
Linking Words
 make better special
effects
Use synonyms
 that could attract more
people
Use synonyms
 to watch cinema of their own region.
For instance
Linking Words
, a movie called “
space
Capitalize word
Space
show examples
 and
beyond
Capitalize word
Beyond
show examples
” was made by a small company in Armenia's countryside, that received 305
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dollars in total, for its stunning
effects
Use synonyms
, and
Linking Words
furthermore
Add a comma
furthermore,
show examples
 it was greatly funded by Armenia’s
government
Use synonyms
. In short, small cinema
production
Fix the agreement mistake
productions
show examples
 are ignored for their lack of adaptability to modern needs,
nonetheless
Linking Words
government
Use synonyms
 have the possibility to fund those small productions and give them a chance to give their best shot, and that's why they should help them.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay presents an opinion and addresses the prompt, but some points could be developed further for deeper insight.
coherence and cohesion
Consider enhancing the connection between sentences and paragraphs for smoother transitions. This will improve overall coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly structure each paragraph around a single main idea and ensure that every idea is sufficiently supported with reasoning or examples.
task achievement
The essay effectively articulates a personal stance on the issue of funding local film industries.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples, such as the comparison with Disney and the Armenian film funded by the government, which helps illustrate your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • Cultural exchange
  • Cinematic expertise
  • Diverse narratives
  • Enriching cultural experience
  • Linguistic proficiency
  • Cinematography advancements
  • Government subsidies
  • Promote local talent
  • Economic sustainability
What to do next:
Look at other essays: