IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people say that modern technology has made shopping today easier, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #technology
In the
socitey
Correct your spelling
society
 today, certain
population
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populations
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 declare that advanced use of technology
have
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has
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 made purchasing goods
simplier
Correct your spelling
simpler
,
while
 others are inclined
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 disagree. In
this
 essay, I will point out both views. There are a huge number of
convenience
Fix the agreement mistake
conveniences
show examples
 that modern technology brings to
people
 in terms of shopping. First and foremost, because nowadays citizens tend to devote more time
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 utilizing their
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
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, there will be a massive number of advertisements about products that will capture
people
's attention.
Hence
,
people
 are able to approach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
shopping easily without going out to a shop, a mall, and so on.
Furthermore
, with the development of online shopping apps, urban dwellers are enabled to review how good and bad the products that they purchase
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 by seeing descriptions of goods and comments
of
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from
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 other residents.
For instance
, Vietnamese
people
 are allowed to
shopping
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shop
show examples
 by using Shoppe, which is one of the most illustrious and prominent online buying apps in Vietnam.
On the other hand
, there will be some demerits of high-tech devices. To start with,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technological apps require knowledge about
techonogy
Correct your spelling
technology
 to use
propriately
Correct your spelling
appropriately
.
As a result
,
old
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the old
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 and senior population will possibly find it complicated to use. Another point to make is that there are innumerable scammers
in
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on
show examples
 the internet.
Moreover
, they have the ability to steal individuals' personal data and misuse it. To illustrate, when you click
in
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on
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 a
suspecious
Correct your spelling
suspicious
 link, you may be
stolen
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stealing
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 your information, your telephone number.
Consequently
, scammers possibly call you and advertise their products. In conclusion, there are numerous advantages
as well as
 drawbacks when using modern technology.
Submitted by k2englishcenter on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clear topic sentences for each paragraph to introduce the main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Use cohesive devices accurately and vary them to show clear relationships between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Check the organization of your essay to make sure it has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, and that each part fulfills its purpose.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task by discussing both views and your own opinion clearly throughout the essay.
task achievement
Elaborate on your main points with comprehensive explanations and relevant examples.
task achievement
Avoid repetition of ideas and work on using a range of vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance clarity.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • online marketplaces
  • mobile payment options
  • personalized advertising
  • accessibility
  • compare prices
  • decision fatigue
  • impulse buying
  • financial imprudence
  • privacy and data security
  • transformed
  • streamlined
  • user-friendly
What to do next:
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