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Writing Samples
Band 7

TRAFFIC AND ACCOMMODATION PROBLEMS ARE INCREASING, AND THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD ENCOURAGE BUSINESS TO MOVE FROM CITIES TO RURAL AREAS. DO THE ADVANTAGES OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGE?

#traffic #accommodation #government #business #move #cities #areas
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In the modern world, more and more
people
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 choose to move into
cities
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, which actually causes escalated
problems
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 involved with traffic and accommodation in urban
areas
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. some believe that the government should facilitate
businesses
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 to change their locations from
cities
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 to countryside. From my perspective, I think the advantages will be better than the disadvantages in the future.
To begin
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 with, there is one main reason that
people
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 think the government should encourage
businesses
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 to relocate to rural
areas
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 which comes from being able to tackle the existing
problems
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. Nowadays, citizens living in
cities
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 usually struggle with jammed traffic and the lack of accommodation, which comes from overcrowded places by
people
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 from the countryside who move to metropolitan
areas
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 to look for jobs, so the movement of
businesses
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 becomes useful to tackle
this
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 problem,
then
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 no more
people
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 will come to
cities
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 to look for jobs anymore.
Additionally
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, if more and more cooperations arrive in the countryside, those places will get the most benefits
while
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people
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 get jobs and the facilities of provinces will be improved,
then
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 residents's quality of life will be better.
On the other hand
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, there will be some drawbacks that the government should consider. To urge companies or economic contributors to move to rural
areas
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 will not be an easy mission
while
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 in order to carry out it, authorities or governments will have to spend a lot of money to improve facilities, roads, and infrastructures to attract others to settle down.
Besides
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,
this
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 process will need time to be done for years.
However
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, to untangle the
problems
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 remaining in
cities
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, they need a long-term plan in which the statement is suitable.
Although
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 improving facilities are quite expensive, it is a worthwhile investment for the future. In conclusion, in favour of moving
businesses
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 to rural
areas
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 would bring a lot of advantages, which practically solve the
problems
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 in
cities
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 in the long vision and
contributes
Correct subject-verb agreement
contribute
show examples
 to a great economy for provinces less developed. In spite of some disadvantages
such
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 as costing quite high and so much time, it is still a great idea to try.
Submitted by nguyenhuyhoa1506 on

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Grammar and Precision
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors, which could slightly distract from the overall clarity. Proofreading could enhance the precision of your expression.
Lexical Resource
To further enrich your essay, you might consider introducing a wider range of vocabulary, especially related to the topic of economic and social development.
Argument Depth
Consider introducing a counter-argument or a wider range of perspectives to deepen the analysis and show a more comprehensive understanding of the issue.
Balanced Argumentation
Your essay effectively outlines both advantages and disadvantages, showing a balanced view.
Supporting Examples
Good use of examples and reasoning to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
Essay Structure
The structure of your essay, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, is clear and logical, aiding in reader comprehension.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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