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Band 3

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #outweigh
Nowadays, researchers are discovering more and more
artifacts
Change the spelling
artefacts
show examples
 to put
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
museums
.
In addition
, there are 2 types of
museums
, one of them
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 charged admission,
while
Correct article usage
the others
show examples
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 entrance
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 free. From my point of view, it is better to make entry charged. But it will get less number of visitors.
However
,
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
show examples
side
outweigh
Change the verb form
outweighs
show examples
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
side
. Because workers of
Add an article
the museum
show examples
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
 will always have
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 and it will cause
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 save relics.
Negative
Add an article
The negative
show examples
side
, which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is decreasing
count
Correct article usage
the count
show examples
 of viewers. Because most of the families can not allow themself tickets which
price
 is starting from $30.
Moreover
,
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
show examples
 family has more than 2 children. So tickets can
be cost
Change to the active voice
cost
show examples
 more than $150.
For example
, Athens
where is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 the most beautiful
museums
.
Government
Add an article
The government
show examples
 made
entry
Correct article usage
an entry
show examples
 with
price
Add an article
the price
a price
show examples
 of $50.
And statistics
Correct word choice
Statistics
show examples
 showed that 23% of their citizens
never
Add a missing verb
have never
show examples
 been
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their own
museums
.
Beneficial
Add an article
The beneficial
show examples
 part is
also
 more powerful than
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
 aspect. Because making entrance
charged
Replace the word
charges
show examples
 can support museum workers. And they can save
quality
Add an article
the quality
show examples
 of artefacts.
As a result
,
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
 can work until the
23th
Change the ending
23rd
show examples
 century.
For example
,
Greece
Change noun form
Greece's
show examples
 environments always have
price
Add an article
a price
show examples
 to enter there.
Consequently
, it helped to save buildings for 300 years and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 from that huge profit. In conclusion, as I said
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 advantage of making
museum’s
Change noun form
museum
show examples
ticket
Fix the agreement mistake
tickets
show examples
 with
price
 always
will outweigh
Wrong verb form
outweighs
show examples
 the disadvantage
side
 which is
decreasing
Correct article usage
a decreasing
show examples
 count of clients that
are prefer
Change the verb form
prefer
show examples
 to visit it.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction that presents the topic and your viewpoint, well-organized body paragraphs that each contain one main idea with supporting details, and a conclusion that summarizes your key points and restates your opinion.
clarity
Focus on clarity and accuracy in your writing. Make sure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the following sentences support that topic. Avoid overly complicated sentence structures that may confuse the reader.
coherence
Work on using transition words and phrases to link ideas between sentences and paragraphs, which will help the reader understand the progression of your arguments and improve the flow of the essay.
task response
Address the task directly by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages evenly. You should provide specific examples and explanations for each point to fully support your arguments.
vocabulary
Use a wider range of vocabulary and aim for precision in word choice. Use synonyms to avoid repetition and to demonstrate a rich vocabulary.
grammar
Check for grammatical errors and correct them. Use varied sentence structures but keep them clear and accurate. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, correct tense usage, and article use.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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