IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
Some would say that family should teach their offspring how to be
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 crew of society,
while
 others are of the opinion that institution is the best in
this
 regard.
This
 essay agrees with the latter point and will show that, despite the practical knowledge that guardians give their offspring, academy seminars can give deep insights into what it takes to be good citizens. Some believe that caregivers can educate their juniors about being good allies of
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 based on their life practices.
This
 is because the life experiences that parental units can give their seniors are straightforward, down-to-earth, and so they can easily apply what their units teach them in reality.
For example
, many scholars in Thailand become more polite, honest, and caring to everyone as a direct result of the practical courses that their parents give them at home.
However
, I believe that caretakers now are so busy and do not spend much time with their pupils teaching them. Lessons at
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
show examples
 can provide
scholar
Fix the agreement mistake
scholars
show examples
 with valuable insights into being
good
Add an article
a good
the good
show examples
 team
of
Correct your spelling
or
show examples
 social group. In class, students can receive classes about the different traits of a truly good person that
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 needs, and
then
 they put what they learn into practice by creating real-life problems and solving them together.
For instance
, after receiving lectures in civic education at college, many Vietnamese students are more willing to help their neighbours and even strangers, and they feel extremely happy after doing something good for others.
For
this
 reason, I believe that
institution
Replace the word
institutional
show examples
 lectures are more influential to young teenagers. In conclusion, despite the practical knowledge that caretakers can give their postgraduates at home,
this
 essay believes that institute classes can help students deepen their understanding of being good associates of
commune
Add an article
the commune
a commune
show examples
.
Submitted by rbtech65 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that the logical structure is clear by organizing the essay into distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences that correspond directly to the task prompt.
Coherence & Cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the main points of the discussion and your own stance on the issue while matching the more formal tone typically expected in academic writing.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support main points with more specific examples and explanations that are directly relevant to the original question. Avoid generalizations by including details that show the reader exactly how and why your points are valid.
Task Achievement
Respond to all parts of the task sufficiently, ensuring that both viewpoints and your own opinion are covered with a balanced discussion before reaching a conclusion.
Task Achievement
Express ideas clearly and comprehensively, using a range of vocabulary and sentence structures to convey precise meaning and avoid repetition.
Task Achievement
Use more specific, relevant examples to support your arguments. This could be achieved by including factual information or referencing studies or specific scenarios that illustrate your points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: