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Band 2.5

new technology change the way children spend their time . do the advantages and disadvantages.

#technology #change #children #time
Nowadays,the technology innovations had made every
days
Change to a singular noun
day
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.
By
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With
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 these
improvements
Add a comma
improvements,
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childrens
Correct your spelling
children
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 spend their time on
automations
Correct your spelling
automation
.In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 we will discuss the both merits and demerits of
this
 statement.
Firstly
, the new developments
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 produced basic skills in
infants
Change noun form
infants'
infant's
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.To explain,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
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 use mobile phones daily and learn skills like freelancing,typing and writing.
Moreover
, for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future prospects any computer skills will
helpful
Add a missing verb
be helpful
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 for your toddler to earn.
Secondly
, the
school boys
Correct your spelling
schoolboys
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 life are
socualized
Correct your spelling
socialized
socialised
 and
digitilized
Correct your spelling
digitalized
show examples
 after the machines.To elaborate it is observed that
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 work with with their friends or family members through social platforms.
furthermore
,they interact with their pupils.
For instance
,
the
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in the
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 report published by the Times in 2017 about 60%
Change preposition
of childrens
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childrens
Correct your spelling
children
children's
 solve their assignments through AI.
On the contrary
, the distraction
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
 place when school boys use their technological devices.To illustrate,it is noticed that try to work on assignments and reports through
internet
Add an article
the internet
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 they might
distract
Wrong verb form
be distracted
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from
Change preposition
in
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this
 way.because notifications pop up and disturb the student.At
last
 ,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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 social crimes take place when youngsters
uses
Change the verb form
use
show examples
 social sites they might not study properly. It can be concluded that the both positive and negative impacts of automation on students are very remarkable.
However
, keeping the
curent
Correct your spelling
current
 situation in
minds
Fix the agreement mistake
mind
show examples
 the advantages of technology take over
cons
Correct article usage
the cons
show examples
.
Submitted by hussas614 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay provides a basic structure, but there is a need to enhance the logical flow of ideas, ensuring that each paragraph clearly develops a single main point. Introduction and conclusion require more clear and direct reference to the question prompt, ensuring that they offer an obvious statement and summary of the essay's position.
task achievement
The task is partially completed, but the essay needs more development in terms of idea clarity and comprehensiveness. Specific examples should a be more directly relevant and fully elaborated to support the points made. The examples given are somewhat general and do not convincingly support the argument.
coherence cohesion
There are several grammatical and spelling errors which need attention to improve overall clarity and accuracy. Work on sentence structure and correct use of verb tenses, prepositions, and punctuation. It's also important to check for correct spelling (e.g., 'childrens' should be 'children's').

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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