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Writing Samples /
Band 5

The cheaper availability of international transport means that more people are able to travel abroad these days. It is claimed that this is improving understanding among the world’s population. However, others believe it is better to use mass media to find out about more about the world. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#availability #transport #people #travel #world’s #population #mass #media #world
Nowadays the type of transportation between cities and within them has a key role in economy and social mobility systems. Some
people
 perceive that public
transport
 should be founded at first in comparison with train communication between towns.
However
, others believe that new
railway
 lines are to be subsidized first because they are more useful and have
greater
Add an article
a greater
show examples
 positive impact on the
country
. From my point of view, I am definitely sure that authorities should subsidize primary
railway
 communication and in
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I am going to explain both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
views and
make
Verb problem
give
show examples
 examples. First of all, public
transport
 is a significant factor for citizens because of its comfortability and cheapness. It allows
people
 don't pay a lot of attention to the road to work and spend their time on something useful.
Nevertheless
, if mass transit is badly developed,
this
 fact will cause social dissatisfaction.
Moreover
, it can bring about a decline in GDP because
such
 a promising part of the
country
's economy produces services and supports economic prosperity.
For example
, during the Great Depression, the
USA
Correct your spelling
US
show examples
 government spent much of its reserve on building new roads and improving social
transport
 systems,
therefore
 providing young
people
 with income and increasing gross domestic product in order to escape from crisis.
On the other hand
,
railway
transport
 has
extremely
Add an article
an extremely
show examples
 important effect on the
country
's economy too.
Firstly
, trains move many trade goods from abroad.
Secondly
,
such
 a type of
transport
 is a strategic factor in relocating military forces inside the
country
.
For Instance
, one of the main
part
Change to a plural noun
parts
show examples
 of
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 budget is export revenue from trade flows that are usually spread between many countries by trains. Taking everything into account, some
people
 think that public
transport
 should be
firstly
 invested
due
Change preposition
in due
show examples
 to social and economic meaning,
although
 others are sure that
railway
 communication is to be
primary
Change the word
primarily
show examples
 subsidized because of its vital role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 budget and military forces. As for me, I fully agree with the second argument.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that you fully address all parts of the task. The question asks you to discuss both views about international transport and mass media, which you have not adequately covered. Instead, your essay focuses on public versus railway transport within a country.
Task Achievement
Clarify and expand your own opinion in relation to the prompt given. Connect your opinion back to the discussion of international travel and its impact on global understanding versus the role of mass media.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on organizing your essay with clear introductory sentences for each paragraph that signal the topic and how it relates to the question posed. This will help in achieving a more logical flow of ideas and enhance the logical structure of your argument.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points with specific and relevant examples that directly relate to the prompt. While you provided examples, they should be clearly linked to the topic of international transport or mass media's role in improving global understanding.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use cohesive devices more effectively to help the reader follow the argument you are making. While some attempts have been made, there is room for smoother transitions and clearer connections between ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
Write a conclusion that summarizes the main points of the essay and clearly states your own stance on the issue. Make sure the conclusion relates directly to the discussion in the body of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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