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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, people are spending long hours at the workplace. Why does this happen? Is it a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
In recent times, there has been an ongoing debate regarding whether people often spend hours at the
workplace
Use synonyms
. A group of individuals believe that the issue will lead to a positive trend.
Conversely
Linking Words
, others argue that it will have a negative impact.
Therefore
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, ahead of my
opinion
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, both views will be discussed
further
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.
Body paragraph 1
Examining the former
opinion
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, the primary argument that supporters would put forward is that people who spend long hours at the
workplace
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 offer a multitude of benefits that extend far beyond mere higher income. Going to
work
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 can serve as a means of better financial security,
this
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 is because workers working a few extra hours each day can earn extra money to pay rent or save for a home. A pivotal aspect to consider is that spending at the
workplace
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 can provide employment with career advancement.
This
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 means that employees can express adaptability, finish tasks better and promote and increase their salary.
In addition
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, workers at the
workplace
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 often finish tasks before the deadline,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 can be a great way to be highly regarded by management and considered for a management position. From there, they can maintain their
work
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 habits and aim for a better position in the future.
Body paragraph 2
On the contrary
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, those in favour of the latter
opinion
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 have their own arguments.
In contrast
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, the negative of spending a lot of
time
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 at the
workplace
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 should not be underestimated, as it not only has a negative impact on physical and mental health. A pivotal aspect to consider is that working too much opens the door to stress, less deprivation and exhaustion.
For instance
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, employees usually
working
Wrong verb form
work
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 from 10 to 11 pm per day, which can influence cognitive functions, burnout and issues with health.
Moreover
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, workers lead to poor
work
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-life balance, which is because they spend too much
time
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 at
work
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, don’t have
time
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 for family, friends, and hobbies, leading to reduced quality of life. To illustrate, parents who frequently
work
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 late into the evening may not have enough
time
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 to play or have dinner with their children.
Conclusion
To conclude
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 and offer my position, there are convincing arguments both for and against the benefits and drawbacks of spending
time
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 at the
workplace
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. It is a double-edged sword, offering immense opportunities for learning
while
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also
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 presenting significant challenges.
However
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, I certainly favour the first
opinion
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.

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task response
Answer both questions more directly. Explain why people work long hours, such as high living costs, job fear, or the wish to get a better job. Then give a clear view that this is mainly negative, or explain very clearly why it is positive.
task response
Your main view is not fully clear. You say you support the first view, but the last line says there are chances for learning. State your view in one simple sentence and keep the same view through the whole essay.
task response
Some points need fuller explanation. For example, say how extra work can help a person get more pay or a higher job, and why this may not be worth the harm to health and family life.
task response
Use more exact examples. The example about parents missing dinner is clear and useful. The example about people working from 10 to 11 pm needs to say whether this means ten or eleven hours a day, or from 10 am to 11 pm.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. This is a good plan. However, the first main part should focus on causes of long work hours, not only on good results of working more.
coherence and cohesion
Make the links between ideas smoother. Some sentences are joined with a comma when they should be two sentences. For example: “Going to work can give people better financial security. Workers who do extra hours can earn more money.”
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same words, especially “a pivotal aspect to consider” and “at the workplace.” Use simple links such as “First,” “Also,” “As a result,” and “For example.”
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one idea. In the first body paragraph, put money in one part and job growth in another. In the second, put health first and family time next.
task response
You discuss both good and bad sides, and you give a clear real-life example about parents having less time with their children.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, two body paragraphs with different views, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “Conversely,” “In addition,” “Moreover,” and “To conclude” to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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