IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

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When we talk about
music
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 we often think about songs or artists, but
music
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 goes way beyond these two words. It is not a modern invention; it has been existing since the beginning of the human appearance on earth but is still considered
as
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apply
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very important to us.
Music
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 is a way to express our feelings to connect with other people. I strongly believe
,
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apply
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traditional
Correct article usage
the traditional
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music
Use synonyms
 of a country is as important
than
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as
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 the international
music
Use synonyms
.
While
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 some individuals argue that
music
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 is a burden and should not be considered too much, others believe it helps us. Indeed,
music
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 is essential in our lifestyle. The
music
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 holds
such
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 a power. Indeed, not only can it be an activity but
also
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 helps us evacuate our emotions.
For example
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, a survey conducted by the University of Sciences Po
have
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has
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 shown that 98% of students who started listening to
music
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 or even
played
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playing
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 had
better
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a better
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 chance
to
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of
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 success.
Moreover
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, it has been discussed that the traditional
music
Use synonyms
 of a country is more important than the international.
Although
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 many individuals want to keep their nation’s history and values, international
music
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 does not necessarily infringe on their culture.
For instance
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, younger generations are used to
listen
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listening
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 to different genres
such
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 as pop, rock and so on, it lets them choose between different genres and
developing
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develop
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 new tastes and new capacities.
To conclude
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,
music
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 is a key element to our health and allows us to connect with other people.
Additionally
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, I strongly believe that both international
music
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 and traditional
music
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 are as important and should not be a social source of
problem
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problems
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.

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task achievement
Make sure your main points are consistently supported by relevant examples and explanations throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure every paragraph transitions smoothly to maintain better coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Use more specific examples or data points to support the argument regarding the role of international and traditional music.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly sets the context of the essay and provides a strong starting point.
logical structure
The essay includes a logical structure with a beginning, middle, and conclusion.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points, reinforcing your argument that both types of music are important.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional release
  • cultural significance
  • globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • technology
  • preservation
  • cultural heritage
  • social cohesion
  • expression
  • consumption
  • production
  • traditional music
  • international music
  • diversity
  • identity
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