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Band 4

Some people think that the development of technology has made our life more complex, and the solution is tolive a life without that lechnology. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #development #technology #life #tolive #lechnology
Nowadays, when a tendency for significant growth in technologies can be observed , some
people
 believe that
impact
Correct article usage
the impact
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 of
this
 change complicates their lives. It is agreed, that the risk of
appearance
Correct article usage
the appearance
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some
Change preposition
of some
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 negative effects cannot be denied ,
however
,
this
 development has completely revolutionized and simplified
life
.
This
 essay,
firstly
, will discuss how
technology
Replace the word
technological
show examples
 progress can hinder human activity, followed by an analysis of the main influences which highlight the importance of innovations.
To begin
 with, modern
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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 has an overwhelming impact on
people
's ability to work,study and live their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. Undoubtedly, an overuse of each gadget will have
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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adverse consequences,
nevertheless
, not everything humanity is able to take under control.
For instance
, the potential problem of replacing workers by using robots still exists and it does not
seems
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seem
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 to be far-fetched.
In addition
, since
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
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 evolves ,
people
 need to adapt regardless of their age.
Besides
,
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 appearance of internal combustion engines leads to ecological destruction, which can destroy not only health
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
 the environment.
On the other hand
,
development
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the development
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 of various accessories gives humanity a unique opportunity to research new fields of
studies
Fix the agreement mistake
study
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, including medicine.
Consequently
,
people
 were able to adapt better to new circumstances.
Moreover
, innovations facilitate
life
 conditions ,
for example
, inventions for the performance of household duties, contribute to the realization of women in society.
Nascence
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The nascence
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 of planes and cars contributed to
exploitation
Add an article
the exploitation
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 of the nature, which is important from the point of view of
people
's safety. Nowadays, techniques
influences
Change the verb form
influence
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out
Correct your spelling
our
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 giving us benefits
such
 as communication, safety and health care.
To conclude
,
this
 essay supports the idea that the development of innovative devices has a high impact on our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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,
however
,
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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definitely overweight
potential
Correct article usage
the potential
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 complications.
Submitted by amina.ilyuk8 on

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task achievement
Try to ensure that your introduction includes a clear thesis statement that outlines the main argument of your essay. It was not clear whether you agree or disagree with the statement.
task achievement
Support each main point with relevant examples and explanations. Much of the discussion was abstract and could be substantiated with more specific details.
coherence cohesion
Organize your paragraphs more effectively by using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph, followed by supporting sentences and concluding sentences that tie back to your main argument.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and increase the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
In your conclusion, summarise your main points more effectively to create a strong final impression. Also, make sure your opinion is very clear in the conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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