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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You live in a room in a college where you share it with another student. You find it very difficult to study and work there because your roommate always has friends visiting. He/she has parties in the room and sometimes borrows your things without asking you. Write a letter to the Accommodation Officer at the college and ask for a new room next term. You would prefer a single room and explain your reasons. You should write at least 150 words.

#room #college #student #study #work #roommate #friends #parties #accommodation #officer #term
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Dear Sir or Madam, My name is Daria Struts and I am a second-year student who lives in
room
 number 331 which I share with Miss Smith. I am writing to request changing my accommodation to another
room
, preferably a single one, for the next term that starts in 2 months. Living with my current roommate for the
last
 4 months jeopardises my studying and working on my project, as I experience continuous distraction caused by Miss Smith's actions. She is a very outgoing and hospitable person who regularly invites friends to visit our
room
 and have parties. I appreciate her intentions for socialisation,
however
, these parties take place almost every day and usually end late at night. Persistent noise, music, and loud discussions make my studying impossible as I need some calm and quiet place to concentrate.
In addition
, I noticed recently that some of my personal stuff like books, headphones, and clothing started disappearing. I talked to my roommate about
this
 matter and she said that she does not see any problem with borrowing my things temporarily. Taking into the account described above and that next term is one of the most difficult for me, I ask you to consider providing me with a separate
room
 for the next half a year. Yours faithfully, Daria Struts
Submitted by mnb54ya3flc on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure of your letter, consider adding a brief explanation of how these disturbances specifically impact your academic performance and personal life.
coherence cohesion
Introduce a concluding paragraph to summarize your concerns and restate the request for a new room. This will give your letter a stronger closure.
task achievement
To enhance task achievement, make sure to mention if you have attempted any resolutions with your roommate or the housing office before requesting a room change.
task achievement
The tone of the letter is generally suitable for the context, but to improve it, reflect courtesy by acknowledging the office's effort in managing accommodations and express willingness to discuss the matter further if needed.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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