IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below gives information about birth and death rates in Switzerland from 1970 to 2020 according to United Nations statistics. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below gives information about birth and death rates in Switzerland from 1970 to 2020 according to United Nations statistics. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #birth #death #rates #switzerland #nations #statistics #summarise #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
This
 graph shows the born and
death
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
 in Switzerland between 1970 and 2020 based on United Nations data.
Overall
,
birth
 in
Correct article usage
the swiss
show examples
swiss
Capitalize word
Swiss
show examples
 rose significantly, especially in 1990-2000;
while
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
 rate seems
fluctuated
Change the verb form
to fluctuate
show examples
 over the period. In the beginning, the rates between
birth
 and dates
does
Verb problem
are
show examples
 not quite different, but
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of
time
Add an article
the time
a time
show examples
 period, they
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a great gap. In 1970-1980,
born
Verb problem
the birth
show examples
 proportion
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
swiss
Capitalize word
Swiss
show examples
 remained stable
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 1
million
. Despite
this
, the trend
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 increased
approximately
Change preposition
by approximately
show examples
 1
million
 starting from 1990,
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 over 2.5
million
 new
baby
Change to a plural noun
babies
show examples
 in 2000.
Moreover
,
birth
Correct article usage
the birth
show examples
 rate
steady
Change the word
steadily
show examples
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
around
Change preposition
to around
show examples
 250
million
 per 10 years. 2020 as a final result, they have over 3
million
birth
 amount across the country. An
increased
Change the form of the verb
increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
 rate
happened
Verb problem
apply
show examples
started from 1970 to 1990,
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
started from 1
million
 and reached 1.5
million
 in 1990.
However
, people
died
Correct pronoun usage
who died
show examples
 in 2000 have a decline number than before, more or less 400
million
. The
death
 trend
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fell slightly in 2010,
also
 2020,
that reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 1
million
 and about 800
million
, respectively.
Submitted by adhansdaily on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words death, birth, million with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • birth rate
  • death rate
  • fluctuation
  • demographic
  • peak
  • trough
  • trend
  • incremental
  • statistical
  • longitudinal
  • population growth
  • life expectancy
  • fertility rate
  • mortality rate
  • aging population
  • demographic shift
What to do next:
Look at other essays: