IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think students should study the science of food and how to prepare it. Others think students should spend time on important subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #students #study #science #food #time #subjects
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It is claimed by some that
students
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 should become aware of
coockery
Correct your spelling
cookery
 lessons,
while
Linking Words
 others believe
students
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 should engage in crucial
subjects
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.
Although
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knowladge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 cooking and
food
Use synonyms
 can benefit them in the long run, l argue that important
subjects
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 yield valuable results,
such
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 as job and cognitive abilities later on. These days, it has been common for
students
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 to know
science
Add an article
the science
show examples
 of
food
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 and prepare different meals. The main reason is
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
harmful additives which are common in everyday foods.
For example
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, some restaurants and cafes are offering fast and contaminated foods that
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
negative consequences for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public health, particularly in urban
environment
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environments
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.
Therefore
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, many
students
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 are allocating most of their time
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 learning
food
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 content and its preparation. As long as they
familirise
Correct your spelling
familiarise
familiarize
 themselves with
food
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 additives and
preparing
Replace the word
preparation
show examples
, they can avoid being the victim
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 potential risks of harmful foods, attributing to the development in their
further
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 education without suffering illness.
However
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, there are some significant
subjects
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 that
students
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 have to be familiar
during
Change preposition
with during
show examples
 their studies rather than engaging in other activities. The core reason is that being
master
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a master
show examples
 in
major
Correct article usage
a major
show examples
 subject could bring job opportunities with high
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
, resulting in better living in the future. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
thise
Correct your spelling
those
these
 who are well educated can gain experience quickly and benefit from
job
Add an article
the job
show examples
. Another benefit of studying is developing a sense of cognitive development. Important
subjects
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 are a source of developing
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
, fostering their critical thinking and problem-solving skills, which means if
students
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 study
such
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subjects
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, it will ease future
diffuculties
Correct your spelling
difficulties
 in their workplace. In conclusion, even though cooking and
food
Use synonyms
 contents
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 important to learn, l advocate that main
subjects
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 are far more
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
 for their
further
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 life.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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language
Make sure to check spelling and grammar to avoid small errors, such as 'coockery' which should be 'cookery' and 'knowladge' which should be 'knowledge'.
language
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to improve cohesion between paragraphs and ideas. This will make your essay flow better.
content
Provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention particular studies or expert opinions related to the benefits of studying crucial subjects versus cookery.
content
Your essay addresses both views and provides a clear opinion, which is essential for task achievement.
structure
You concluded your essay effectively, reinforcing your opinion clearly.
structure
The logical structure of your essay is solid, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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