IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

There are some students who care about nothing but studying,and doing unpaid community service may bring them an opportunity to get to know what the real world around them looks like. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#students #care #community #service #opportunity #world
I agree unpaid
community
service
 can help
students
borden
Correct your spelling
broaden
 their
horizen
Correct your spelling
horizons
 to the outside world. Since high school
students
 are usually occupied with their studies,the only thing they care
is
Change preposition
about is
show examples
 their grades,there is
rare
Add an article
a rare
show examples
 chance for them to
contact
Add a missing verb
have contact
show examples
 with
outside
Add an article
the outside
show examples
 world.
Hence
 doing
community
service
 could provide them a way to communicate with various residents and work in
community
service
center
Fix the agreement mistake
centers
show examples
instead
 of school.During the process of
participanting
Correct your spelling
participating
volunteering
Change preposition
in volunteering
show examples
 activities,
students
 will have a deeper understanding of
Correct article usage
the society
show examples
society
Replace the word
societal
show examples
 background of different groups of people
who
Correct pronoun usage
whom
show examples
 they
are serve
Change the verb form
are serving
are served
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and realise common current
society
Replace the word
societal
show examples
 affairs, residents’ requests and corresponding solutions,which is impossible to learn from school.
For example
,if
students
 take part in
volunteery
Correct your spelling
volunteer
voluntary
 work in
retirement
Add an article
a retirement
the retirement
show examples
community
,they are not only supposed to take care of elders and provide food delivery for them
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 need to clean the streets of
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 and socialize with elders,giving them humanitarian concern and daily life support.
This
 work will to a large extent help
students
 realise what elderly life is like and gain experience of dealing with people and situations. To
summerize
Correct your spelling
summarise
show examples
,unpaid
community
service
 will provide an occasion for
students
 to contact
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
society
 and know
outside
Add an article
the outside
show examples
 world,which will significantly contribute to their future career life after they
entering
Wrong verb form
enter
show examples
society
.
Submitted by 1320493878 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction & Conclusion
Make sure to provide a clear thesis statement at the end of the introduction and reiterate your position in the conclusion for a stronger impact.
Coherence
To improve the logical flow, try to link ideas and paragraphs more effectively with a variety of cohesive devices.
Supporting Main Points
Expand on each argument with more detailed examples or evidence to enhance clarity and depth in support of your points.
Task Response
Be sure to address each part of the prompt fully to cover the task response criteria comprehensively. Discuss different views if the question requires it and give reasons for your position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: