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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case?  Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
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Nowadays, more offspring spend hours of their days on their
smartphones
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 than ever before.The main reason behind
that is
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 the recent technological advancement with smartphone penetration not only reached adults but
also
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 offspring.
Moreover
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, with more
parents
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 entering the workforce than ever before, that has an implication with offspring left without their
parents
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' control. The notion of offspring's hours spent on
smartphones
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 has two sides that need deliberation. On the positive aspects, smartphone usage can make kids stay at home. Especially within the context of
parents
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 joining the workforce and
thus
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 having no
time
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 to watch their
children
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. Other than that,
smartphones
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 can improve
children
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's learning process. We have to acknowledge that nowadays, better content on the internet is available that can help
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children’s
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 learning process,
such
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 as educational games, videos, and interactive apps. These can have a huge development in terms of boosting
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children’s
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 learning ability.
However
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, there are some negative aspects that are worthy of consideration. First of all, there are millions of bad content available on social media and the internet that can have a bad influence on the development of
children
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.
For instance
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, bad content
such
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 as violence, nudity, et cetera.
Moreover
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,
smartphones
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 can
also
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 have a detaching effect on a child from its surrounding environments. More
time
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 spent on their contact equals more
time
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 spent being lonely and not paying attention to their
parents
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, families and friends. After considering both sides of the debate, I believe that the benefits of
children
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 spending
time
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 on their
phones
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 outweigh the cost. But
this
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 does not come without a note, I believe that
parents
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 are responsible for moderating the
time
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 spent on their
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children’s
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phones
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 and enforcing stricter regulations regarding the contents available on their
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children’s
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phones
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. In sum, there are more positive developments than there are negative. But
this
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 comes with a premise that
parents
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 are responsible for enforcing
time
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 limits and parental control of their
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children’s
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phones
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.
Submitted by athaarhdyn on

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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that directly address the question prompt. Your conclusion should be a definitive statement of your viewpoint, summarizing the reasons behind your stance.
Coherence & Cohesion
Increase coherence by improving transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases to show the relationship between different points and to guide the reader more smoothly through the arguments.
Task Achievement
Provide specific, relevant examples to support each main point. This enhances the persuasiveness of your argument and demonstrates an understanding of the topic.
Language
Be attentive to grammatical accuracy and word choice to convey your ideas more effectively. Consider reviewing basic verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and appropriate vocabulary use.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
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