IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? If people have the opportunity to get a secure job, they should take it right away rather than wait for a job that would be more satisfying. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Due to
Linking Words
 the growth of
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
show examples
 number, many people sought to settle for the first
job
Use synonyms
 that
lands on
Wrong verb form
landed
show examples
 them rather than pursuing their preferred
career
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 regard, I partially agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 noting the current
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 circumstance that erases
career
Use synonyms
 options for many individuals. For the past few years, there has been an overflowing figure of
Correct article usage
the laborforce
show examples
laborforce
Correct your spelling
labour force
show examples
 all around the world.
For example
Linking Words
 in Indonesia, researchers predict that in 2026,
while
Linking Words
job
Use synonyms
 opportunities will stay stagnant, there will still be a dramatic increase in the number of new workers.
As a result
Linking Words
, many
fresh-graduates
Correct your spelling
fresh graduates
show examples
 are prone to joblessness,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which can
cause
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
disrupt
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the national economy. In response,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 are
promoting
Verb problem
encouraging
show examples
 younger generations to take any jobs that land on them once they have graduated. Evidently, many youngsters
also
Linking Words
 pertain
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
to this
show examples
 view in conducting
job
Use synonyms
-search.
For instance
Linking Words
, a number of surveys inform that there are many employees who choose to stay at their current office despite being dissatisfied with the environment.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon shows that it is indeed harder to search for
stable
Add an article
a stable
show examples
career
Use synonyms
 as
day
Add an article
the day
show examples
 goes by, and
hence
Linking Words
 it is important to secure a
job
Use synonyms
 as quickly as possible.
However
Linking Words
, there are actually more appropriate solutions to
this
Linking Words
 problem that can be offered by the legislators so people can materialize their
dream
Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
show examples
. The simplest strategy would be boosting foreign investment in various areas.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, diverse
career
Use synonyms
 opportunities could be established and the rate
unemployment
Change preposition
of unemployment
show examples
 could significantly fall. In conclusion, it is justifiable for current society to encourage oneself to take any opportunities that will secure them a
job
Use synonyms
, including taking any offers even if it means not achieving their dream
job
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, there should be effective measures to resolve
this
Linking Words
 highly competitive nature in
job
Use synonyms
 searching,
instead
Linking Words
 of persisting people to always be in
this
Linking Words
 situation.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to structure your essay in a more clear and logical manner, making sure each paragraph flows naturally into the next. Consider using a variety of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are clear. They should not only be present but also effectively bookend your argument, establishing your view in the introduction and summarizing the key points in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points with more detailed explanations and supporting examples. Specific evidence or examples will strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
task achievement
Make sure to fully respond to all parts of the task. You've given your opinion, but ensure it addresses all aspects of the prompt, outlining the reasons behind your view convincingly throughout the essay.
task achievement
Express your ideas clearly and comprehensively. Work to ensure that every paragraph conveys a clear point, and the essay as a whole presents a strong, coherent argument. Consider varying sentence structures for better readability and impact.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to support your points. While general statements can set the stage, real-world examples, statistics, or personal anecdotes will give your essay more authority and persuasiveness.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: