Some people believe that success in life depends on hard work and determination, while others believe that other factors like money and personal appearance are important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is believed by some that
success
can be achieved by hard
work
and
determination
,
whereas
others say that
money
and good looks can lead to
success
.
This
essay will discuss both these views. I personally believe that more often
success
comes from hard
work
and perseverance and only on some odd
occasion
Fix the agreement mistake
occasions
show examples
money
Add a missing verb
do money
show examples
and looks
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
play a role. The main reason why some people say that
determination
and hard
work
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
an important
prerequisite
Fix the agreement mistake
prerequisites
show examples
for
success
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
is that
determination
gives people an impetus
of setting
Change preposition
to set
show examples
up goals, which lead to
success
.
For example
, Marie Curie (Madame Curie) determined to finish her husband’s lifetime unfinished
work
after his death and eventually discovered radium.
Similarly
, hard
work
is
also
very important as without hard
work
determination
is of no value. It has been well said that ‘Genius is one
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
inspiration and ninety-nine
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, perspiration’. Take the example of businessmen. Only those
succeed
Correct pronoun usage
who succeed
show examples
who have
determination
Add an article
the determination
show examples
and who put in a lot of sweat and toil
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
their business. Those who advocate that
money
and good looks are needed for
success
, believe that good looks increase the confidence of a
person
and
a
Correct word choice
that a
show examples
confident
person
has more chances to succeed in his life. With good looks a
person
can succeed in the acting and modelling fields. They
also
opine that
money
is needed to become an entrepreneur and those who have the capital to invest have more chances to succeed.
For example
, a
person
with lots of bank balance may sustain through any ups and downs in business and
finally
succeed, but any
person
without any financial backing may break down if his business goes through a bad phase.
To sum up
, I believe that
success
depends on how firmly people hold on to their
determination
and how much effort they put into their
work
. A powerful background of
money
as well as
attractive looks can help a certain number of
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
to succeed, but too much reliance on these is
unpractical
Replace the word
impractical
show examples
.
Submitted by aamenis on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure a clear thesis statement that directly addresses the prompt in your introduction to guide the reader.
task achievement
Expand on your conclusion by synthesizing the discussion points more effectively and projecting forward, if possible.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence, use a wider range of cohesive devices to create smoother transitions between ideas.
task achievement
To support your main points more effectively, provide more detailed examples that are directly relevant to the prompt.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • discipline
  • resilience
  • effort
  • tenacity
  • external factors
  • financial resources
  • favorable appearance
  • perceptions
  • advantages
  • intrinsic
  • extrinsic
  • sustainable
  • facilitating
  • undeniable
What to do next:
Look at other essays: