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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Individuals and countries cannot help everyone who needs help in the world, so they should only be concerned about their own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#individuals #countries #world #communities
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It is believed by some that governments should only help their own
citizens
Use synonyms
 as it is impossible to help everyone.
While
Linking Words
 I agree that governments ought to prioritise their own people, I
also
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 believe that they should help
countries
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 which are too poor to help themselves. The main reason why governments should focus on their own
citizens
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 first is that if there is a perception that the government is helping other nations at the cost of its
citizens
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, it would create resentment among the
citizens
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.
In other words
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, people might lose faith and protest against their elected government officials if they feel their
hard earned
Add a hyphen
hard-earned
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 tax money is being spent on helping other
countries
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 rather than leading to better facilities and services for them. Another reason is that a government’s ability to help other nations depends upon the taxes and finances it collects, which ultimately depend upon
prosperity
Add an article
the prosperity
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 of its own society. If its own society is poor, its capacity to help people in other
countries
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 would
also
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 be limited.
However
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, I
also
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 feel
countries
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and
Correct word choice
apply
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especially rich
countries
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 should not turn their back on the underprivileged
countries
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.
First,
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it is the right thing to do from a humanitarian standpoint.
Countries
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 which have enough have a moral duty to help those who fail to even meet their basic needs.
Secondly
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, it would be mutually beneficial for
rich
Correct article usage
the rich
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 to help the poor. Issues
such
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 as diseases, extreme weather events, international migration, organised crime and terrorism have transnational causes. No country can solve these problems ‘by itself’. They need multinational cooperation. The recent Corona pandemic has emphasised the importance of international cooperation even more.
Thus
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, it would be beneficial for not only the poor
countries
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
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 the rich
countries
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 to help the poor. In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that
although
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countries
Use synonyms
 should put their own
citizens
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first,
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I
also
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 believe that they should try to help the deprived nations.
Submitted by aamenis on

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Introduction/Conclusion
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines your viewpoint and that your conclusion effectively sums up your argument, reinforcing your stance without introducing new information.
Cohesion
Develop a more cohesive structure by using a wider range of linking devices and transition phrases to connect ideas smoothly across paragraphs.
Clarity
Enhance clarity by constructing shorter, more straightforward sentences, avoiding overly complex or convoluted structures that may confuse the reader.
Task Achievement
To solidify your arguments, incorporate more specific examples and evidence to support your claims, ensuring that these examples are directly relevant to the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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