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Band 5.5

Some people say the most important thing about being rich is that it gives you the opportunity to give back or help the poor. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #opportunity
It is believed by some that the best thing about being affluent is having a chance to help the needy.
While
 one benefit of being rich is that they can help the impoverished, there are many other advantages of being rich, which are perhaps more important. Admittedly, the richer a person is, the more taxes he pays and that tax
money
 is used by the government to provide for the impoverished. The tax collected by the government could be used for providing education and job training. The rich can
also
 become entrepreneurs and create jobs for many who are unemployed. In all these aspects, it can be said that the rich can contribute a lot
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 helping the poor.
However
, the comfortable lives led by the rich
holds
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hold
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 much more value than just the ability to do something for the have-nots. The wealthy don’t have to yearn for the basic necessities of life and can
also
 enjoy all the luxuries like cars, air conditioners and other household gadgets without having to worry
for
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about
show examples
 their running costs. They can
also
 provide the best education to their children, and can
also
 get the best health care for themselves and their families.
Furthermore
, the rich enjoy a status in society that only
money
 can bring. People look
upon
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to
show examples
 them for their guidance and support in times of need.
Finally
, wealth provides security in adverse circumstances.
For example
, in
Covid 19
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the COVID-19
show examples
 pandemic, the rich could sail through comfortably sitting at home,
whereas
 the poor had to struggle for their daily bread and butter.
To sum up
, if one is rich, he is in a better situation to help others who need
money
 and all the things which
money
 can provide.
However
, other things
such
 as a luxurious lifestyle, status in society and security in adverse circumstances are more important than the ability to help the poor.
Submitted by aamenis on

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Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph naturally follows from the preceding one. Make use of cohesive devices effectively throughout the essay to link ideas and arguments.
Task Achievement
In regards to task achievement, strive to present a more balanced discussion that fully addresses both views of the argument, providing ample support and well-developed examples for each point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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