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Band 3.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones.Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
In recent days,among many
children
 spending their
time
 on social networks or playing different games on phones or computers is starting to reach a concerning level these days.
As a result
,
children
 have
not
Correct your spelling
no
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 knowledge
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 interest in a subject or a profession. I totally disagree
this
Change preposition
with this
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 statement because
this
 situation is increasing day by day and
children
 are becoming indifferent to the people around them. To commence with,
children
 do not leave
time
 for their future development and to get the necessary knowledge.Parents are
also
 the reason why
children
 spend their
time
 on the
phone
 or computer.
For instance
, parents are not spending
time
 with their
children
 and they are
also
 spending their free
time
 on the
phone
 and they are not monitoring their
children
.
Furthermore
,
children
's health is greatly affected by different harmful rays emitted by the
phone
.First of all, it affects their vision and causes insomnia.
For example
, nowadays,the wearing of glasses is very common among
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young people and it is a very bad situation.
To conclude
,the
phone
 is poisoning the
children
's
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 and causing them various diseases. In my point of view in order to reduce
such
 situations,it is very useful for parents to pay attention to their
children
 and spend more
time
 with
children
 in their free
time
.
Submitted by nazirovmuhammad71 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to have a clear introductory paragraph that presents the topic and your main argument or standpoint, and a conclusion that summarizes your points and reiterates your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing appropriately to organize your essay and connect ideas.
task achievement
Your essay must fully address all parts of the task, present a clear position throughout the response and avoid unsupported statements.
task achievement
Include specific examples and reasons to support your arguments and make your ideas more compelling and clear.
task achievement
Refine your position by addressing the 'why' aspect of the question, not just the 'what', to provide depth to your response.
task achievement
Try to maintain clarity and objectivity in your arguments to avoid a one-sided perspective; acknowledging the opposite viewpoint can strengthen your position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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