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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
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Nowadays, many
people
 leave their hometowns to move to metropolitan
cities
 in many countries. Some
people
 believe that it will provide benefits others do not. From my perspective,
this
 population movement can cause drawbacks rather than positives.
This
 essay will account for why it can bring negatives by giving examples.
To begin
 with, a balance in population distribution is a necessity for countries and
also
 for the public.
People
 can prefer to reside in the city to reach everything easily or job opportunities, it can inspire some economic and social predicaments,
however
.
For instance
, enormous immigration from villages to
cities
 generates chaotic structures in the
cities
.
Moreover
,
such
 as health care, security forces, and necessities may be inadequate
due to
 overpopulation.
Secondly
,
this
 population movement can negatively
affected
Change the verb form
affect
show examples
 not only
cities
 but
also
 the countryside. Leaving the countryside can impact agricultural production. When
people
 live in the
cities
, they must work in other sectors
such
 as companies, and services. In
this
 way, it can be seen that a decreasing the production of agricultural products
as well as
 livestock raising.
On the other hand
, it can provide a workforce for
cities
. Today there are plenty of companies and departments in the city that need
people
 to work.
This
 movement can bridge between employees and hirers.
To sum up
, even if many
people
 believe that residing and working in a city can bring many positives I strongly believe that keeping up balance and providing production in the countryside bring many advantages for
people
 and the economy.
Submitted by serab.5091 on

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task achievement
Work on making your main points clearer and more distinct. Each main idea should be fully developed in its own paragraph with specific details and examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between your paragraphs. Use more transition words and phrases to guide the reader from one point to the next.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument well.
supported main points
You provide relevant points and examples to support your main argument, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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