IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this Discuss both views and give your own opinion

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
According to
Linking Words
 some people, minors should learn how to act
accordingly
Linking Words
 in society from their parents.
However
Linking Words
, many people
also
Linking Words
 think teachers are the ones responsible for teaching
this
Linking Words
. In my opinion, children should get
this
Linking Words
 knowledge from both.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss these views in more detail below. First of all, before a child starts to go to
school
Use synonyms
, they spend all their time
together with
Linking Words
 their parental figure. Which in turn makes their parents their first role models,
therefore
Linking Words
 fathers and mothers need to prepare their young ones from early.
For instance
Linking Words
, fathers need to act respectfully and tender to mothers and other people, so their kids can understand the importance of treating others carefully. It is believed that children who frequently witness domestic violence inside the home tend to have disruptive behaviour and an inability to show their vulnerable side to others. After that, when a child is starting to attend
school
Use synonyms
 their social group is expanding and they are learning in the class with teachers from morning to noon.
Therefore
Linking Words
, educators should be able to continue to show and teach their pupils how to be good models to prepare them
embarking
Wrong verb form
to embark on
show examples
 life as adults.
For example
Linking Words
, teachers should treat all the students fairly, give them rewards when kids achieve perfect results, and not abuse their power to punish those in the wrong without proper reason.
This
Linking Words
 could teach young kids to compete healthily with others.
This
Linking Words
 is useful in the future when they are working as a young adult. In conclusion, In my opinion, children can maximize their learning progress from parents or
school
Use synonyms
 instructors both at home and
school
Use synonyms
 on how to be a good person in society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To enhance logical structure, ensure smooth transitions between ideas using linking words and cohesive devices consistently throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and the conclusion are present but they could be strengthened by more clearly outlining the main points in the introduction and summarizing them concisely in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed and varied examples. This adds depth to your arguments and demonstrates a range of language ability.
task achievement
For a higher task achievement score, ensure that the response fully addresses all parts of the prompt. Present a balanced discussion of both views and develop your own opinion throughout the essay, not just at the conclusion.
task achievement
To communicate ideas more comprehensively, work on developing each paragraph with a clear main idea and supporting it with thorough explanations and examples.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your arguments. These examples should clearly relate to the main points and help to illustrate your views effectively.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: