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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many Offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishments. Why is this happening and what measures can be taken to tackle these problems.

#offenders #crimes #first #punishments #measures
We live in
this
 era where criminals tend to carry out more problems after their first punishment. These issues can be defined into the primary specific matters which are
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
going light retribution and crimes after-care
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
.
Therefore
, a detailed probation period and self-development program in the cells are the answers to these issues. These mainstream cases possibly are derived from the insufficient rules given by the court and not completed action taken by the jail. When it comes to the regulations, there are common cases where the judges cannot decide the suitable consequences for the offenders.
This
 thing will lead the criminals to have no regrets for their actions.
Moreover
, the jail that has a crucial role in supporting the buildout of the assailant is commonly irresponsible for
this
 mandate. For those issues, probation space and self-improvement schemes are the answer to
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
 the number of those cases. Given time to still look after the criminals after their confinement era can anticipate their actions to do the exact same thing.
Additionally
, forcing the resistance mass to understand their wrong operations is
also
 a possible advice to be applied. Drawing an analogy to the elementary student who commonly
learn
Change the verb form
learns
show examples
 about their mistake in terms of not doing it again could be a successful way. In conclusion, the unstable regulations and abandonment of lawbreakers when being punished are the cause of multiple crimes.
However
, the trial period and maturing plan are the practical keys for that matter.
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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by clearly delineating each point with appropriate paragraphing and use cohesive devices to link ideas more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the introduction and conclusion are fully developed and encapsulate the main ideas and their implications or recommendations.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with more detailed and contextually appropriate examples or explanations to strengthen arguments.
task achievement
Provide a more complete response by directly addressing the reasons for reoffending and ensuring all parts of the task are answered with adequate detail.
task achievement
Formulate clear and comprehensive ideas by using precise language and exploring each point more thoroughly within the body paragraphs.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to back up points made, ensuring these examples directly relate to why offenders may reoffend and what measures can be taken.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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