IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, equality between genders is a controversial topic and universities want to ensure
this
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. I agree and think that they should accept an equal number of males and females in the subjects to promote equal opportunity.
However
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, for the physical subjects, it would be better to have more men. For several decades, educational institutions
such
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 as schools and universities have attempted to treat male and female students equally. It can be achieved by having an equal number of people of different genders in each class. The effect is that students do not feel better or worse based on their sex, and they become more aware of the importance of equal rights.
For example
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, Germany's Minister of Equality, Adolf Müller, published a graph in the national newspaper showing how, since colleges adopted these practices, people take equal opportunity more seriously.
Nevertheless
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, gender fairness in educational institutions cannot always be guaranteed.
While
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 it is essential in scientific and literary fields, it is not so easy in those requiring a certain level of physical fitness. Genetically, males tend to be stronger than women and are better prepared to pass some rather tough physical tests. To be a firefighter or police officer, men are more qualified for the position
due to
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 the demanding nature of these jobs,
although
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 some women
also
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 pass these tests.
For instance
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, the INE (National Institute of Statistics and Census) shows that police and firefighter positions are held by gentlemen 90% of the time.
To conclude
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, parity in university modules is essential to make people more aware of inequality and
that is
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 why I agree, but some subjects are more likely to have men because of physical demands.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear perspective on the issue and addresses both sides of the argument, which is important for task achievement. However, developing your second argument regarding physical subjects further would enhance the overall depth of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
While your ideas are generally coherent, consider using clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader. This will help improve the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant but could be more varied. Providing additional examples or statistical data could strengthen your arguments and provide clearer support for your claims.
coherence and cohesion
In your conclusion, you restate your position, but consider summarizing the key points you discussed to reinforce your argument more effectively.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion on the topic and present a balanced view, discussing both the advantages and limitations of gender equality in education.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, with distinct paragraphs for each point you are making, which is important for readability.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender diversity
  • fostering innovation
  • educational experience
  • enforcing gender quotas
  • merit and potential
  • individual achievements
  • natural differences
  • gender equality
  • reducing gender stereotypes
  • balanced workforce
  • traditionally male-dominated or female-dominated fields
  • fluctuating applicant numbers
  • compromise on quality
  • diversity aspects
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