IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#universities #numbers #students
Some believe that universities should accept in every subject the same proportion of males and females. I totally agree with the statement, at first because the union between genders makes everyone more effective and
then
 by the fact that it helps to diminish the actual gap betwixt men and women. Both genders are more productive when they help each other by learning together. The opposite sex supports the other and complements it when they interact in multiple academic areas.
Consequently
, teenagers progress together and achieve better qualifications.
For example
, an article published by the Oxford Journal Gazette demonstrates that universities that accept balanced numbers of boys and girls in all their subjects have better global results than others that do not do
this
. By accepting a balanced proportion of males and females in all university subjects, we contribute to reducing the labour differences between boys and girls. When girls have the opportunity to follow advanced educational programs where they become experts, they usually do it by working with men.
As a result
, these women become more attractive in the labour market.
For instance
, a study conducted in 1999 and published by Harvard showed that equal proportions of males and females in multiple subjects at university has increased the employability of women by 85%.
To conclude
, the union between genders
while
 studying is helpful for both sides and
also
, it helps to minimize the gap that still exists betwixt the man and the woman. I wholeheartedly agree with the statement and I recommend all the educational institutions to make
this
 possible.
Submitted by santos_dij on

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task achievement
Make sure that the introduction clearly states your main argument and provides a brief outline of the points you will discuss. Although the introduction in the essay captures the main topic well, it could be improved by more clearly stating the reasons why you agree with the statement.
coherence and cohesion
Include a range of cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs smoothly. While your essay includes some connective words, aim to use a wider variety and demonstrate flexibility in their usage.
task achievement
Develop each main point fully with relevant explanations and support them with specific examples. You have provided examples, yet they could be further detailed to strengthen your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender diversity
  • fostering innovation
  • educational experience
  • enforcing gender quotas
  • merit and potential
  • individual achievements
  • natural differences
  • gender equality
  • reducing gender stereotypes
  • balanced workforce
  • traditionally male-dominated or female-dominated fields
  • fluctuating applicant numbers
  • compromise on quality
  • diversity aspects
What to do next:
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