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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today`s world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #history #school #subjects #today`s #world #science #technology
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Although
 some
people
 believe that one the most important
subjects
 in schools is
History
, some others think that by paying attention to the modern
world
 there are more important
subjects
 namely,
science
 and
technology
. I believe that since and
technology
 are more necessary because of work literacy in the future and the
world
 modernity. On the one hand,
History
 can teach
people
 not to repeat their past wrong actions and behaviours. It is helpful to learn from the past to do the best actions and make the best decisions by the use of
History
 which shows us the details of our past
history
.
However
, it is not as important as
technology
 and
science
 because using
technology
 can guide
people
 easier so that will not go the wrong way.
For example
, AI can help humans with consulting to make the best decisions
instead
 of learning
history
 which is a hard subject for students.
On the other hand
, finding a job depends on how each person knows about
science
 and
technology
. Knowing about
history
 might not be helpful in finding jobs for
people
 because
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
world
 is improving day by day and there is a need for
people
 who have
technology
 literacy to be able to work in
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
world
. Many of the devices that are used in companies are state-of-the-art
while
 for using these devices
people
 need to know about
technology
 and
also
 since. If students learn about these
subjects
 can live easily in today`s
world
.
For example
, one of my friends was looking for a job and realized that most jobs were about
science
 and
technology
 which she had never learned in school about that. In the bottom line,
although
history
 can help
people
 to learn from their past, it is not the most important matter for being a necessary subject in schools.
Science
 and
technology
 can be the most important
subjects
 because the future of students depends on them.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
Consider refining the introduction to make your stance clearer from the beginning. Your opinion is present but can be more explicitly linked to the discussion of the two views.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that all paragraphs logically connect and flow well. The ideas are somewhat connected, but transitions between them could be smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Provide a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentence structures to enhance the depth of your argumentation.
task achievement
You present a balanced discussion by considering both perspectives, which is essential in this task type.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes your stance, reinforcing the arguments discussed earlier.
task achievement
Examples are used effectively to illustrate your points regarding the relevance of technology and science in today’s job market.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • historical perspective
  • technological advancements
  • cultural identity
  • scientific progress
  • economic growth
  • innovation
  • critical thinking
  • historical context
  • ethical considerations
  • technological prowess
  • job market demands
  • civic awareness
  • societal evolution
  • past mistakes and successes
  • cultural understanding
  • contemporary issues
  • heritage
  • scientific literacy
  • global communications
  • ethical soundness
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