IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that girls should take husband’s name after marriage while others feel that they should not follow this age old tradition. What is your opinion?

#people #girls #husband’s #name #marriage #age #tradition
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Whether a
women
Use synonyms
 keep their
name
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 or partner's
name
Use synonyms
 after
marriage
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 is a matter of personal
prefferences
Correct your spelling
preferences
preference
. Few individuals believe that after
marriage
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women
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 should take their
spouse
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spouse's
show examples
name
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 and others think that no need to stick to the ancient custom. In
this
Linking Words
essay
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essay,
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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 would like to explain why
i
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I
show examples
 believe it is not necessary to change the
name
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 after
marriage
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. First of all,the
name
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 is considered
as
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apply
show examples
the main
identity
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 of a human being.
Usually
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Usually,
show examples
 immediately after
birth
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the birth
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 of a baby,the parents give him or her a
name
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 and surname, most of the time
that is
Linking Words
 their
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
name
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. Culturally accepting the husband"
s
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's
name
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 was connected to the notions of ownership,
women
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 once belonged to their
father
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fathers
show examples
 and
then
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 their
husband
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husbands
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
India
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India,
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 most of the ladies change their surnames immediately after
marriage
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, and they start knowing by their partner's
name
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. Generally in
ancient
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the ancient
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 era husbands were the earning member of
a
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the
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 family and the
womens
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women's
women
 restricted
in
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to
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 their
home
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homes
show examples
 and taking care of
othher
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other
 members, and she was totally
depend
Replace the word
dependent
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on
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 better
half
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halves
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.
that
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At that
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 time it was a tradition or custom that
women
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 must
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identify
indentify
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identify
 by
her
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their
show examples
 partner's
name
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 Despite a growing
feminism
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feminist
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movement and increased gender equality
concept
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concepts
show examples
, the commonness of
this
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 practice remains the same. Nowadays most
of
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
girls are
independant
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independent
 in their profession
as well as
Linking Words
 financial stability,
think
Correct word choice
and think
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 that they
are having
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have
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 freedom
of selecting
Change preposition
to select
show examples
 their names and
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identity
Fix the agreement mistake
identities
show examples
 by themselves. These days the concept of gender equality is incredibly increasing in our society. In my opinion ,the
name
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 is
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
identity
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 of an individual and there is no need to change their
identity
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of
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or
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 anything
untill
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until
 they wish to do so.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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 there is no difference between male and female in our society. Every
adults
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adult
show examples
should right to have their own
identity
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 and more than that no need to
concern
Wrong verb form
be concerned
show examples
 so much about the names as the individual and character
remains
Correct subject-verb agreement
remain
show examples
 the same.
Submitted by sandhyarenjith789 on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion on the topic, which is an integral part of the task response. To improve, ensure that all parts of the task are fully addressed by including more detailed examples and making sure your opinion is stated clearly throughout the essay.
task achievement
You have presented your main points, but your essay lacks clear supporting details and examples. Illustrate your ideas with specific examples that demonstrate why you hold your viewpoint. This will strengthen your essay and help to achieve higher task response scores.
coherence cohesion
The essay's structure can be improved. Aim for a clear progression of ideas by organizing your essay into well-defined paragraphs. Each paragraph should contain one main idea with supporting sentences that explain or exemplify that point. This will enhance the logical flow and coherence of your writing.
coherence cohesion
While you have an introduction and conclusion in place, both could be strengthened. A strong introduction should provide a clear background to the topic and a thesis statement that outlines your key points. The conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your opinion. This logical bookending of your essay enhances cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Keep your writing cohesive by using a range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between sentences. Pay attention to the use of articles, prepositions, and subject-verb agreement to reduce grammatical errors and enhance the flow of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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