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Writing Samples
Band 4

THE map BELOW SHOW HOW TOMATO KETCHUP IS MADE. Summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features.

THE map BELOW SHOW HOW TOMATO KETCHUP IS MADE. Summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features.
The pictures illustrate how tomato
ketchup
Use synonyms
 is made .There are 15 stages in the diagram,from picking
tomatoes
Use synonyms
 in
greenhouse
Add an article
the greenhouse
a greenhouse
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
to
presence
Add an article
the presence
show examples
 of the produced tomato
ketchup
Use synonyms
 beside
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
your delicious
humburger
Correct your spelling
hamburger
hamburgers
 and fries in a restaurant.
Initially
Linking Words
 cultivated
tomatoes
Use synonyms
 are picked in
greenhouse
Add an article
the greenhouse
a greenhouse
show examples
,
then
Linking Words
tomatoes
Use synonyms
 are sorted good and bad by a worker and after
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 they are sent to a
ketchup
Use synonyms
 factory by a truck.Once the
tomatoes
Use synonyms
 have
been arrived
Change to the active voice
arrived
show examples
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the factory ,
skins
Correct pronoun usage
their skins
show examples
,seeds and stalks
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are removed and
then
Linking Words
 clear
tomatoes
Use synonyms
 are put in a specific container.
Following
Change the article
The following
show examples
 step is that
tomatoes
Use synonyms
 are crushed ,and
then
Linking Words
 sugar,vinegar and salt are added to the crushed
tomatoes
Use synonyms
 .After being boiled ,the combination is left for two hours. When the prepared
ketchup
Use synonyms
 has been poured into the
ketchup
Use synonyms
 bottles ,they are labelled.
the next step is
Linking Words
 that
Use synonyms
ketchup’s
Change noun form
ketchup
show examples
bottle
Fix the agreement mistake
bottles
show examples
 are quality controlled. Once
ketchup
Use synonyms
 bottles have been packed into the boxes ,they are delivered to
supermarket
Add an article
the supermarket
a supermarket
show examples
.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
show examples
 you can enjoy the taste of fresh
ketchup
Use synonyms
 beside
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
your delicious hamburger and fries.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words ketchup, tomatoes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 1 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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