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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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Some
people
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 prefer to open their
business
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instead
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 of working for others. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the pros and cons of
this
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 notion. First and foremost, working for yourself and making your own
money
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 feel better for human beings. When
people
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 serve for a
company
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 or organisation for a long time, they might ask themselves sometimes why they make someone rich.
Furthermore
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, when
people
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work
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 for a
company
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, there is always a small chance of getting a higher wage or
too
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being too
show examples
 slow to get what they really want about their salary.
However
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, when you
work
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 for your own trading, you can earn
money
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 when you become successful.
For instance
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, Elon Musk did decide to open his
business
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 and he is the richest businessman in the world now.
In contrast
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, there are some disadvantages of having own
business
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. First of all, it is very risky to find a space for your
company
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 in the industry you
work
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.
For example
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, you can lose your
money
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 easily if things go wrong and your fame is in the market.
Secondly
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, it is highly unlikely a small possibility to beat bigger and
famous
Correct quantifier usage
more famous
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 companies in the market
while
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 they are already known worldwide. If new businesses do not have enough
money
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 to run their investment strongly, it is a big job to catch other companies or organizations. In conclusion, a significant number of
people
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 choose to establish their own
company
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instead
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 of working for different companies or organizations. Opening your own
business
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 satisfies
people
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as well as
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 makes them earn
money
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 when they achieve their goals.
However
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,
this
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 idea stands risky and it needs great
work
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 to put the
company
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 in the right position
while
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 bigger's already run the sector by themselves.

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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure of your essay, make sure that each paragraph follows a clear and consistent theme and that the transition between paragraphs is smooth. Use linking phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction and a conclusion that are more explicitly defined. Your introduction should provide a clear response to the essay question and introduce the main points you will discuss. Your conclusion should summarise your main points and restate your position on the topic to give a sense of closure.
coherence cohesion
To strengthen your main points, provide more specific and relevant examples that are directly linked to the advantages and disadvantages you discuss. This will help to make your arguments more convincing.
task achievement
Ensure your essay fully addresses the question by discussing both sides equally and providing a clear opinion on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Show depth in your ideas by exploring the implications and potential outcomes of starting a business.
task achievement
Make use of a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. Avoid repeating the same words and phrases, and try to express your thoughts in a more varied and sophisticated manner.
task achievement
Be sure to provide relevant and detailed examples that support the claims you make. Use real-world scenarios, statistics, or studies to demonstrate your points and add authenticity to your arguments.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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