Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Many
people
think that music
is a positive form to bring
Change preposition
of bringing
people
from different cultures and generations together. I agree with this
opinion because music
has a lot of ways to make people
feel the same things and to unite them. In this
essay, I will shed some light to explain more about my thoughts and experiences.
Firstly
, music
has come from around the world and has various languages. It can make us know more about the language or culture of a country. For instance
, nowadays k-pop is one of the most popular genre
in the world that can bring Change to a plural noun
genres
this
culture all over the world even to Europe and the United States. People
enjoy the rhythm, lyrics, and also
the artists who often dance in their video clips or concerts. In order to do that, people
are willing to watch their idol's concert with a high priced
ticket and they come from several different places. They Add a hyphen
high-priced
also
become known well about Korean culture and its language.
Moreover
, music
has a different era but it's not a barrier to other generations enjoying the music
because sometimes the lyrics are still related to different cultures and ages. To illustrate, an old love song can be an everlasting song that can used by a couple for their wedding celebration. Although
they are in different era
, but it still lovable and familiar to the guests who come from many generations.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that Fix the agreement mistake
eras
music
has several benefits for people
not only to enjoy
the song but Change preposition
for enjoying
also
making
Change preposition
for making
people
from different backgrounds come together because they have the same interest in music
without seeing where they come from and how old their
Correct pronoun usage
they
age
.Correct your spelling
are
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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Your essay follows this basic structure, but the main points could be better elaborated to improve clarity and logical flow.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve your coherence and cohesion, use a range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly and make sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea with clear supporting details.
Task Achievement
For task achievement, fully answer the question and make sure your opinion is clear throughout the essay. Provide more specific examples and explanations to support your points and demonstrate a fuller understanding and analysis of the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion & Task Achievement
Use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures to express your ideas more precisely and to keep the reader engaged. This will also help you demonstrate a higher level of English language proficiency.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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