In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impacts of aging population

In the world countries with sufficient means have an increasing number of older
people
and it is problematic for both individuals and society. In
this
essay, we will explore the underline causes of
this
problem
and propose practical and effective solutions. The first
problem
associated with an increased number of elder
people
is the payment of retirement money, which puts heavy taxes on other citizens. Another
problem
stemming from a large number of older
people
population
is medical
care
costs
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because diseases increase more rapidly at a later age.
For instance
, American research shows that 95% of diseases occur in older
people
and their cost is double for medical
care
as compared to the younger generation.
Thus
, a surge in older
population
has adverse effects on both individuals and society. Some possible solutions to
this
problem
are to increase the working time for
people
and encourage healthy lifestyle habits. When individuals’ retirement is delayed, they can serve the country, and in
this
way pension burden will be less and it
also
enhances the self-esteem of older
people
.
Moreover
, if we promote healthy
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
in
people
then
the chances of being ill will decrease and money can be saved which
used
Add a missing verb
is used
show examples
for medical
care
.
This
way, we can solve the
problem
of more elder
people
population
in developed countries.
To conclude
, the increased
population
has problems like heavy taxes and medical
care
costs.
However
, if the government takes proper measures like increasing the working period and promoting a healthy lifestyle
this
issue can be handled successfully.
Submitted by kashif.gujjar0700 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
You have created a clear introduction and conclusion, which is good. However, to improve, ensure the introduction and conclusion are fully developed and directly address the questions posed.
logical structure
Your essay demonstrates an ability to logically structure your arguments, but sometimes the connection between ideas is not fully fleshed out. Usage of more cohesive devices and clearer topic sentences could enhance the logical flow.
supported main points
While your main points are supported, you could provide more detailed examples and explanations to reinforce your arguments, giving the essay greater depth.
complete response
To improve task achievement, make sure your response completely answers all parts of the prompt. This includes detailing the problems and suggesting measures thoroughly. Expand on your ideas and provide more specific examples and explanations to fully cover the task.
clear comprehensive ideas
Present your ideas more thoroughly with in-depth explanations and more detailed examples. Aim for comprehensive engagement with the topic to improve clarity.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate more specific and varied examples to illustrate the points made. Doing so will convincingly support your arguments and improve the overall task response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • developed world
  • problems
  • individuals
  • society
  • measures
  • aging population
  • burden
  • healthcare systems
  • cost
  • social security
  • pension system
  • shortage
  • healthcare professionals
  • elderly care facilities
  • pressure
  • social services
  • workforce productivity
  • retirement age
  • healthy lifestyle
  • preventive healthcare
  • intergenerational programs
  • community support
What to do next:
Look at other essays: