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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Giving children and adolescents pocket money is common throughout the world. Do the advantages of this practice outweigh the disadvantages?

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Pocket
money
 has become a ubiquitous practice globally, serving as a fundamental aspect of financial upbringing for
children
 and adolescents.
This
 essay will explore how the advantages of
this
 practice often outweigh the associated disadvantages. Giving youngsters
pocket
money
 facilitates the development of financial acumen.
For instance
, when
children
 manage their own funds, they learn to prioritize needs and wants.
This
 hands-on experience enhances their understanding of budgeting, a crucial life skill that prepares them for future financial independence.
Moreover
, the provision of
pocket
money
instills
Change the spelling
instils
show examples
 a sense of responsibility in
children
. When entrusted with a sum of
money
, they learn accountability in decision-making.
This
 early exposure to financial responsibility lays the groundwork for prudent choices and fosters a sense of ownership over their
financial
Replace the word
finances
show examples
.
While
 potential disadvantages,
such
 as mismanagement or overspending, may arise, these concerns can be addressed through effective parental guidance. Parents play a pivotal role in educating
children
 about responsible spending, setting limits, and encouraging savings, mitigating the risks associated with
pocket
money
. In conclusion, the advantages of providing
pocket
money
 to
children
, including the cultivation of financial literacy and responsibility, outweigh the potential drawbacks.
This
 practice serves as a valuable tool in preparing the younger generation for the complexities of managing finances in adulthood. As parents guide their
children
 through
this
 process, the benefits of
pocket
money
 become evident in shaping responsible and financially savvy individuals.
Submitted by muhammadrizoabduxalimov017 on

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Task response
Ensure you directly address the question posed, discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the issue, as well as stating whether one outweighs the other.
Task response
Develop your main points with more detailed and concrete examples to better illustrate and support your arguments.
Coherence and cohesion
Improve coherence by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly throughout the essay.
Coherence and cohesion
Clarify your stance by restating it in the conclusion with a clear summarization of why one aspect outweighs the other, to leave the reader with a strong final impression.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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