IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people feel that cities should allow for spaces for graffiti while others feel it should be banned. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #cities #spaces #graffiti
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There are growing beliefs that spaces for
graffiti
Use synonyms
 should be allowed by the
government
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while
Linking Words
 others argue that it should be forbidden in cities. Some citizens believe that
graffiti
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 can make the
city
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 look dirty and community belief in the criminal records involved will add to the claims;
however
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, I stand on the same side as those who allow
graffiti
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 space for creativity and the
government
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 supports
to make
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making
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 regulations about the locations. On the one hand, it could be argued that many people do not like their cities
look
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to look
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 dirty with certain murals and artworks.
Graffiti
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 is often seen in several places and can have several disturbing pictures on wall areas, buildings and public spaces.
Additionally
Linking Words
, most people believe that
graffiti
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 is related to the people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 have crime records,
thus
Linking Words
 it will have negative views on the community. To illustrate, in Memphis, one of the cities in the US, there is a lot of
graffiti
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 on every corner of the suburban area, that
city
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 is
also
Linking Words
 popular with a high crime rate that indicates
very
Correct article usage
a very
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 dangerous
city
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 in the US.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, advocates the views that claim to allow space for
graffiti
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 as a
support
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people’s
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for people’s
show examples
 creativity.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the young generation likes to explore and express themselves with art on the murals and artworks on the wall,
hence
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 the
support
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 will make them confident and have a
continuously
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continuous
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 spirit to learn.
Furthermore
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, the
government
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 should regulate certain locations and places as official
support
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 for the artist to draw and paint their concepts of artworks. The legal structures from the
government
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 and the supporting environment from the community will gain
trust
Correct article usage
the trust
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 that
graffiti
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 can make the
city
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 look beautiful and iconic.
For instance
Linking Words
, Haji Lane Street, Singapura, a popular area with iconic murals around the streets can attract many international tourists to enjoy and take photographs of the arts. In conclusion, I stand with the notion of allowing some spaces in the
city
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 to have
graffiti
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 as a part of the way to express
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
 for artists with the
support
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 from the
government
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 to regulate the art locations area.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion that are all clearly identifiable. To improve, consider creating clearer topic sentences that directly indicate the main idea of each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
You have used cohesive devices to link ideas across sentences and paragraphs. However, varying these transitional phrases and ensuring they are always used effectively to lead seamlessly from one idea to the next could enhance readability and flow.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task and presents ideas that are generally clear and comprehensive. To move to a higher band, expand on these ideas, delving deeper into the reasons behind people's support or opposition to graffiti, and providing more developed arguments.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant and support the main points well. Aim to include a wider variety of examples, possibly including statistics or studies that demonstrate the effects of graffiti on communities to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly states what the two sides of the argument are, and make your own stance clear from the outset. Repeat this stance in the conclusion to tie your argument together more tightly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban art
  • vandalism
  • vibrancy
  • aesthetic
  • decline
  • creative expression
  • cultural asset
  • legal ramifications
  • marginalized groups
  • community engagement
  • ethical considerations
  • gentrification
  • zoning regulations
  • public space
  • civic responsibility
  • curated walls
  • street artists
  • social commentary
  • property rights
  • anti-graffiti coatings
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