IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people feel that cities should allow for spaces for graffiti while others feel it should be banned. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #cities #spaces #graffiti
There are growing beliefs that spaces for
graffiti
 should be allowed by the
government
while
 others argue that it should be forbidden in cities. Some citizens believe that
graffiti
 can make the
city
 look dirty and community belief in the criminal records involved will add to the claims;
however
, I stand on the same side as those who allow
graffiti
 space for creativity and the
government
 supports
to make
Change the verb form
making
show examples
 regulations about the locations. On the one hand, it could be argued that many people do not like their cities
look
Fix the infinitive
to look
show examples
 dirty with certain murals and artworks.
Graffiti
 is often seen in several places and can have several disturbing pictures on wall areas, buildings and public spaces.
Additionally
, most people believe that
graffiti
 is related to the people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have crime records,
thus
 it will have negative views on the community. To illustrate, in Memphis, one of the cities in the US, there is a lot of
graffiti
 on every corner of the suburban area, that
city
 is
also
 popular with a high crime rate that indicates
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 dangerous
city
 in the US.
On the other hand
, advocates the views that claim to allow space for
graffiti
 as a
support
people’s
Change preposition
for people’s
show examples
 creativity.
Moreover
, the young generation likes to explore and express themselves with art on the murals and artworks on the wall,
hence
 the
support
 will make them confident and have a
continuously
Change the adverb
continuous
show examples
 spirit to learn.
Furthermore
, the
government
 should regulate certain locations and places as official
support
 for the artist to draw and paint their concepts of artworks. The legal structures from the
government
 and the supporting environment from the community will gain
trust
Correct article usage
the trust
show examples
 that
graffiti
 can make the
city
 look beautiful and iconic.
For instance
, Haji Lane Street, Singapura, a popular area with iconic murals around the streets can attract many international tourists to enjoy and take photographs of the arts. In conclusion, I stand with the notion of allowing some spaces in the
city
 to have
graffiti
 as a part of the way to express
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
 for artists with the
support
 from the
government
 to regulate the art locations area.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion that are all clearly identifiable. To improve, consider creating clearer topic sentences that directly indicate the main idea of each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
You have used cohesive devices to link ideas across sentences and paragraphs. However, varying these transitional phrases and ensuring they are always used effectively to lead seamlessly from one idea to the next could enhance readability and flow.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task and presents ideas that are generally clear and comprehensive. To move to a higher band, expand on these ideas, delving deeper into the reasons behind people's support or opposition to graffiti, and providing more developed arguments.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant and support the main points well. Aim to include a wider variety of examples, possibly including statistics or studies that demonstrate the effects of graffiti on communities to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly states what the two sides of the argument are, and make your own stance clear from the outset. Repeat this stance in the conclusion to tie your argument together more tightly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban art
  • vandalism
  • vibrancy
  • aesthetic
  • decline
  • creative expression
  • cultural asset
  • legal ramifications
  • marginalized groups
  • community engagement
  • ethical considerations
  • gentrification
  • zoning regulations
  • public space
  • civic responsibility
  • curated walls
  • street artists
  • social commentary
  • property rights
  • anti-graffiti coatings
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