IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

People are surrounded by advertising. Advertising can influence what people think So it has negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #influence #effects
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Nowadays,
advertisements
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 are everywhere and they influence
people
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's thinking and it has a negative impact. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because
advertisements
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 make
people
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 buy
products
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 they do not need and spend more
money
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.
Advertisements
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 are good at grabbing
people
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's attention and inducing
people
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 to make unconscious purchases. I mean, everyday
people
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 see
advertisements
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 through different
platforms
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 like social
media
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 and newspapers. Because of these
platforms
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,
people
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 are attracted
and
Change preposition
to and
show examples
 purchase the
products
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 which they do not need and intend to buy but
also
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
changes the beliefs of the
people
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 by using algorithms and artificial intelligence to collect data about
people
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's psychology and use it as a tool to influence
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people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 behaviour.
For example
Linking Words
, Facebook is a social
media
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 platform and its only source of income is from
advertisements
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. So,
people
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 who are Facebook users are attracted by the ads they see and end up purchasing the
products
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 which they do not need.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
advertisements
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 change
people
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's mindset to spend more
money
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. I mean, social
media
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platforms
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 use pop-up ads to grab
people
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's attention and they act as a catalyst, so
people
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 spend a lot of
money
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 to purchase
products
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 which affects
people
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's
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
show examples
 and mental state of
people
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, social
media
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platforms
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 like Instagram , usually show pop-up ads which catch
people
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's attention and induce
people
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 to large amounts of
money
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 on
products
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 they do not need
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 want. In conclusion,
advertisements
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 are all around the world and I agree that they influence
people
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's beliefs and thinking by doing so, they negatively impact
people
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 by making unconscious purchases and induce them to spend more
money
Use synonyms
 on
products
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to use a range of cohesive devices to link your ideas more clearly. Some sentences seem disconnected due to the lack of linking words or phrases.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures to demonstrate grammatical range and complexity.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the main arguments you will discuss.
task achievement
Work on paraphrasing the task question to show your ability to express the same ideas with different vocabulary and sentence structures.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments. The examples provided are a bit general and don't fully illustrate your point.
task achievement
Be careful with generalizations and try to present a more balanced view, acknowledging potential benefits as well as drawbacks of advertisements.
coherence cohesion
Check for subject-verb agreement, proper tense usage, and correct article usage to minimize grammatical errors.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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