People are surrounded by advertising. Advertising can influence what people think So it has negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays,
advertisements
are everywhere and they influence
people
's thinking and it has a negative impact. I agree with
this
statement because
advertisements
make
people
buy
products
they do not need and spend more
money
.
Advertisements
are good at grabbing
people
's attention and inducing
people
to make unconscious purchases. I mean, everyday
people
see
advertisements
through different
platforms
like social
media
and newspapers. Because of these
platforms
,
people
are attracted
and
Change preposition
to and
show examples
purchase the
products
which they do not need and intend to buy but
also
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
changes the beliefs of the
people
by using algorithms and artificial intelligence to collect data about
people
's psychology and use it as a tool to influence
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
behaviour.
For example
, Facebook is a social
media
platform and its only source of income is from
advertisements
. So,
people
who are Facebook users are attracted by the ads they see and end up purchasing the
products
which they do not need.
Furthermore
,
advertisements
change
people
's mindset to spend more
money
. I mean, social
media
platforms
use pop-up ads to grab
people
's attention and they act as a catalyst, so
people
spend a lot of
money
to purchase
products
which affects
people
's
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
show examples
and mental state of
people
.
For instance
, social
media
platforms
like Instagram , usually show pop-up ads which catch
people
's attention and induce
people
to large amounts of
money
on
products
they do not need
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
want. In conclusion,
advertisements
are all around the world and I agree that they influence
people
's beliefs and thinking by doing so, they negatively impact
people
by making unconscious purchases and induce them to spend more
money
on
products
.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to use a range of cohesive devices to link your ideas more clearly. Some sentences seem disconnected due to the lack of linking words or phrases.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures to demonstrate grammatical range and complexity.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the main arguments you will discuss.
task achievement
Work on paraphrasing the task question to show your ability to express the same ideas with different vocabulary and sentence structures.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments. The examples provided are a bit general and don't fully illustrate your point.
task achievement
Be careful with generalizations and try to present a more balanced view, acknowledging potential benefits as well as drawbacks of advertisements.
coherence cohesion
Check for subject-verb agreement, proper tense usage, and correct article usage to minimize grammatical errors.

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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