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Band 5

Some people think that money must be spent on promoting the use of bicycles in cities while others think cities must spend on public transport discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #money #bicycles #cities #transport
While
 there is a controversy over spending more money on promoting the
use
 of
bicycles
 or improving public
transport
, I am inclined to believe that both are considered required facilities for modern cities and they have to be prioritized. In
this
 essay, I shall discuss both views
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 giving proper examples.
Firstly
,
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
 of
bicycles
 can be beneficial for the weather as it is really impressive in reducing the amount of air pollution caused by motor vehicles.
Bicycles
 are considered eco-friendly vehicles that lower the amount of traffic, prevent air pollution, and lessen the noise caused by cars or motorcycles.
For example
, in a country like the Netherlands people have been encouraged to
use
bicycles
 for commuting, resulting a clean weather, a calm area, and
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 relaxed community.
Secondly
, public
transport
 is more popular considering physical status, mental condition, and the interest of
majority
Add an article
the majority
show examples
 of people. Many individuals believe that public
transport
 is a safer, cheaper, and more accessible option. It must be considered that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 many cities are not suitable for
bicycles
 to be used in them as they may have mountainous areas that
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 the
use
 of
bicycles
 impossible.
For example
, a country like Bhutan is
constraint
Replace the word
constrained
show examples
 by a mountainous terrain which makes it an unsuitable place to ride a bicycle.
Consequently
, improving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
transport
 is a wiser option in
this
 city, considering the condition it has got. In conclusion,
geographical
Correct article usage
the geographical
show examples
 location of a city can determine its eligibility for improving its public
transport
 or encouraging its people to
use
bicycles
.
Submitted by mojgan.sobhani on

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coherence cohesion
Consider refining the logical structure by ensuring each paragraph flows smoothly into the next with appropriate linking words and making each paragraph clearly defined in purpose.
coherence cohesion
Although an introduction and conclusion are present, work on making your thesis statement clearer and the conclusion more assertive, summarizing your discussion succinctly.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more varied and detailed examples. Each point you make needs to be backed by specific evidence or a deeper elaboration of impacts and consequences.
task achievement
Complete the response by addressing all parts of the task, including a balanced discussion of both views and a clear opinion. Your opinion was mentioned, but expand on the rationale behind your opinion to strengthen it.
task achievement
Clarify your ideas by fully developing reasoning and exploring the implications or challenges related to them. Provide a deeper analysis rather than repeating general thoughts to create a more comprehensive understanding of the issues.
task achievement
Enhance your use of specific examples by finding unique or compelling case studies or statistics that can make your arguments stand out and become more persuasive.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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