IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Many animal species in the world are becoming extinct nowadays. Some people say that countries and individuals should protect these animals from dying out, while others say that we should concentrate more on the problems of human beings. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#species #world #people #countries #individuals #animals #beings
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In the past decades, animal extinction has become rampant because of human activity. Some people opine that it is imperative to save dying
species
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 others think it would be better to focus on more human difficulties.
Although
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 the latter viewpoint cannot be overlooked in some cases, I believe that authorities and individuals should protect the
animals
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 that are endangered. Some argue that
animals
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 should be protected from extinction as they are a crucial part of our ecological chain.
That is
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 to say, the removal of a single
species
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 can set off a chain reaction affecting the whole ecosystem.
For example
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, bats help keep the insect in control. If it does not happen,
then
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 insects will destroy our crops.
Consequently
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, we will have nothing to eat.
Therefore
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, I agree that endangered
species
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 of
animals
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 should be preserved as much as possible from dying out.
On the other hand
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, others say that the government must focus on more pressing issues
instead
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 of endangered
species
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 because of a limited
budget
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.
In other words
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, human beings are still facing poverty, famine, epidemics, and natural disturbances. If a limited
budget
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 is allocated to animal conservation, many people might face huge difficulties making a living.
For instance
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, in many countries, the authorities reserve a substantial amount of money for the protection of
animals
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.
As a result
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, they cannot overcome the challenges that people are facing
due to
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 a shortage of
budget
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. In conclusion, despite the
budget
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 shortage that may lead to an increase in the difficulties of human beings,
this
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 essay agrees with the notion that joint efforts should be needed to help
animals
Use synonyms
 from extinction as they are a vital part of the ecosystem.
Submitted by mohammad39 on

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Coherence
To improve coherence, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs by using a wider range of linking phrases.
Cohesion
Increasing the variety in sentence structures and employing more complex grammatical constructions can enhance cohesion throughout your essay.
Task Achievement
To elevate your task achievement score, incorporate a broader range of specific examples and more detailed explanation to support your views.
Ensure a balanced discussion of both views before presenting your opinion to fully meet the task requirements.','type':'Task Achievement
Introduction and Conclusion
You effectively introduced and concluded your essay, clearly stating your position.
Logical Structure
Your essay presents a logical structure, making it easy to follow your argument.
Relevant Examples
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • cascading effects
  • economic impacts
  • ecosystem
  • endangered species
  • environmental conservation
  • human welfare
  • moral duty
  • preserve
  • sustainable practices
  • habitats
  • interconnected
  • extinction
  • advocates
  • opponents
  • priority
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